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Jeanette was proud of Simon. It was her time to preen, these visits to the vet. "They're actually very affectionate," she remarked, pawing at the blue parrot's head. “How old is he,” someone asked. “Thirty-two.” Really? / They live that long? / Did you know…? / I didn’t know… Jeanette beamed in the bird’s reflected glory, letting out a small dribble of urine in her excitement. When she takes her glasses off, Simon reasoned, grinding his dull black beak. Then’s the time. His talons gripped eight singularities into Jeanette’s sagging forearm. He squawked and shat a runny yellow stream onto her pants. “Simon always gets nervous around other animals,” she explained. "You want to make a good impression, don't you baby?" I will eat your eye, the malevolent dinosaur thought, his own angry white irises inflamed now. I will pluck and eat your fucking eye.

Date Written: January 06, 2006
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 3.375

01/6/2006 scoop: I am a wee flummoxed.
01/6/2006 Will Disney (3.5): otherworldly
01/6/2006 anonymous: I hope I haven't given the impression that Simon is a dinosaur...
01/6/2006 scoop: I thought Simon was a dinosaur.
01/6/2006 anonymous: No, see, it says he's a bird there in the 6th graf. And later with his beak. "Malevolent dinosaur" was intended to underline the parrot's violent, primitive psyche. I am adding a "blue parrot" to the second graf to remedy this error.
01/6/2006 Litcube: I think Simon does not like Jeanette.
01/6/2006 Dylan Danko (1.5):
01/6/2006 TheBuyer: Parrot issues, Dylan?
01/6/2006 Dylan Danko: I'd rather not talk about it.
01/6/2006 TheBuyer: Cracker?
01/6/2006 TheBuyer: Sorry, that should have read "Cracker." It wasn't a question.
01/6/2006 Dylan Danko: Racist?
01/6/2006 TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe (4): I like this!!!
01/6/2006 TheBuyer: Yes!
01/8/2006 Mr. Pony (4.5):
01/8/2006 Mr. Pony: Birds evolved from Dinosaurs.
01/8/2006 Mr. Pony: That's right, you fundamentalist Christian jerks; evolved.
01/8/2006 Klause Muppet: God is the narrator.
01/8/2006 Mr. Pony: Gross! Fucking gross!
01/9/2006 TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe: Um, qualcomm, I think there may be some logical "flaws" in your "short". First off, the parrot "reasoned". Second, and more importantly, birds see right through glass, so I don't think "Simon" would even think that Jeanette's "glasses" would provide a hindrance to his attack.
01/9/2006 Dick Vomit: Pony: God created evolution, you fucking dumb-ass.
01/9/2006 TheBuyer: That's so bullshit, God only thought up the idea but he has no follow through.
01/12/2006 TertiaryWinesAreTheOnlyWinesForMe: This timely article lends a patina of authenticity to this short!!!