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A BALLOON MAN stands clutching a large bouquet of balloons. He wears a rumpled hat and a mustache containing wisdom and crumbs. BALLOON MAN Extry, extry. Balloons here, get your balloons! A MOTHER and her young DAUGHTER come strolling by. The DAUGHTER is horrified by the BALLOON MAN. DAUGHTER Ahhhhhhh! Mommy, Mommy, a Balloon Man, a terrible, terrible Balloon Man! MOTHER Damn it! Listen you. Donít embarrass me in public. (Turns to the BALLOON MAN) Ií m really sorry about this. BALLOON MAN Oh thatís okay, miss. Iím sure she didnít mean anything by it, did you. MOTHER Itís just that ever since she was molested by a balloon man last year she has become unacceptably intolerant of all balloon men. Havenít you? I said havenít you? DAUGHTER Yes, mother. MOTHER What have I told you about racism? DAUGHTER You said that racism is incompatible with the aspirations of a diverse society and that it is unacceptable to judge an entire people based on the actions of one person. MOTHER Thatís right. DAUGHTER But Mom, Balloon Man isnít a color. MOTHER Youíre really turning into the worst kind of racist. Can you watch her for a sec? BALLOON MAN Sure thing miss, sure thing. Come here little lady, your motherís right Ė not all Balloon Men are bad. The BALLOON MAN takes DAUGHTER to a bench where they both sit down, his balloons in tow. BOYS ON BIKE - Hey Balloon Man, it was flushed for sure! - You were right Balloon Man. Itís a goner. - Youíre the man Ė the Balloon Man! DAUGHTER WhatÖwhat are they talking about? BALLOON MAN Theyíre talking about my balloons little one (looks around and whispers) theyíre magic! DAUGHTER Magic? BALLOON MAN Yes, whenever you pop one of my balloons something very special happens? DAUGHTER What? BALLOON MAN Well, whenever someone pops one of my balloons, a woman, somewhere out there in this big beautiful spinning planet of oursÖ DAUGHTER Yeah?! What? What? BALLOON MAN Somewhere out there a mother, or an ďalmost mommyĒ as I am fond of calling them, makes the decision to have an abortion. DAUGHTER An a-bor-tion? BALLOON MAN Thatís when a woman who has a baby growing in her tummy, decides to have that unwanted baby go away. DAUGHTER Why would she do that? BALLOON MAN Oh, for plenty of reasons. Health. Rape. Convenience. Spite. DAUGHTER But arenít abortions, you know, bad? BALLOON MAN (Laughing, patting DAUGHTER on her head) No little one. They are protected under the law of the land. As for me, while I love precious little children, I deeply loathe the unborn. Come on! Who designed those things H.R. Geiger? Remember, there is only life little one, life, and abortions. DAUGHTER Do you think someday Iíll have an abortion too? BALLOON MAN Maybe, with a little luck, a little prayer, and you find the right balloon, then someday you too will now the magic of an abortion!
Date Written: January 10, 2006
Average Vote: 4.2