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Hot Haiku Madness “I’ve always wanted to end a story with pussy,” Logan remarked. “I’m interested already. Do you mean a real one or just the word?” asked Duncan, his horn dog friend. “The word, Nimrod. It’s a story. A story about a Japanese girl.” “Is she hot?” Duncan interrupted, “Smoking hot? Porno-luscious hot?” “Down, Beavis. Yes,” Logan replied, “she is very lovely. Very sensual.” “Alright! I’m getting wood just imagining her.” “Back off, Boner Boy. Now here’s the plot. This Japanese girl writes haiku.” “Is that dirty poetry, I hope?” “No, Sawdust-for-brains, it’s an ancient, very strict Japanese poetry style.” Duncan asked, “When you say ‘very strict,’ you mean she’s into bondage, right?” “Negative, Noodle Noggin. Haiku is a confining form of written philosophical expression.” “Ah,” Duncan lit up, “so she’s the one who’s confined, bound, gagged, blindfolded. Spread-eagle naked and helpless!” Logan continued, ignoring Duncan as he slobbered away and dry-humped the sofa. “Listen up, Dorksicle. The haiku that she writes are perfect, perfect in a divine sense, so perfect in fact that they touch the Ultimate Godhead. They link directly to the Cosmic Order of All Things.” “I like it when you say head. Is she naked when she writes these dirty poems?” Logan smiled. “Okay, fine. She writes them naked. Happy now?” Duncan smiled broadly. “My pencil has lead in it again. It’s one of those big, thick grade school pencils.” “More than I needed to know, Pencil-dick. Now,” Logan went on, “the catch is, because these haiku are perfect Beyond Mortal Comprehension, anyone who reads them goes insane. Stark raving mad.” “And then they have sex with the hot Japanese girl?” “Doubtful, One-track-mind. Anyway, the madness spreads as more and more people read her poetry, which she posts on the Internet. It becomes epidemic. And she can’t stop writing them. Civilization is in peril.” Duncan thought about that before he asked, “So is there some real, dirty, graphic, disgusting sex anywhere in this story?” “Well, no. But the Japanese girl does have a friend whom she loves very much.” “Aha!” Logan was quick to add, “It’s a girlfriend, not a guy, Ramrod.” “Finally. Hot Lesbian action. It’s about time.” Logan rolled his eyes at that. “Oh, and her friend has a pet. A cat.” “A cat?” “Yeah. And its name is Pussy.”

Date Written: August 26, 2006
Author: Rod Drake
Average Vote: 3.5

08/29/2006 Will Disney: Good execution of opening sentence.
08/29/2006 Master Bates (3.5): funny and yet...sensual. How's about posting some o' them world-ending haikus? I'm tired...
08/29/2006 Dick Vomit: This/you/everything sucks.
08/29/2006 TheBuyer: i'm going to beat the everloving shit out of that fucking Logan asshole with my internet fists.
09/3/2006 TheBuyer: You better not be touting this on your website as one of the brilliant things you've had published on the internet because this is terrible. This is bazooka joe unfunny.
09/14/2006 mixelpix: visualize my pussy