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I had buried this guy under the floorboards and was trying to keep up a cool exterior while the local police chief, Bert, walked around my house, making small talk with me, and snooping around for clues.
“Been fishing much, Stew?” he asked me.
“Sure have,” I said.
That’s when I first heard the beating, coming up from underneath where Bert was standing. Thump, thump, thump. It wasn’t possible! I had killed him dead! How could his heart be beating?
“You hear something?” Bert asked me, looking down toward the ground.
The beating got louder and louder. Thump, thump, thump.
“What is that?” Bert asked, his eyes narrowing.
“It’s my heart!” I yelled. “My heart’s pumping fast! This happens every time I think about Mary Hart! I was just watching her last night!”
Bert smiled and nodded. “Can’t blame you,” he said. “Not one bit.” He stayed around for a few more minutes and then left my house. Once he was safely gone, I grabbed some sharp utensils from the kitchen, pried the floorboards, and finished the job. Once I was done, I poured myself a nice cold beer. Yes - I had gotten away with it. Despite the beating of his hideous fucking heart.
Date Written: April 26, 2003
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4