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A force nine gale slashed it's way south from Newfoundland building strength over warmer waters off the north coast of Maine. A retired bus driver named Ben Hartman found himself caught in the storm with his two best friends, Francis and Ricky. "Bail Ricky! Bail Francis!" Ben screamed as he scooped teacup after teacup out of the bottom of the rowboat, "Come on Francis, bail! Ricky, get to it, this rain isn't letting up!" Francis and Ricky stared at nothing with their cold glass eyes. They were soaked through their plush centers as the rain fell harder into the little wooden rowboat set adrift in the back yard last summer and filled with potted plants. Ben stared up at the sky and continued to bail, water filled his gaping mouth and he slumped over sideways, drowned. The boat creaked and sunk lower in the muddy lawn and Francis tumbled overboard into the grass. Ricky was never found but is presumed inanimate.

Date Written: January 30, 2007
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 3.25

Comments:
01/31/2007 blow-up (4.5): Overall well-written short.
01/31/2007 Litcube (4): Not sure about that last line, or even the last few lines. The image of the middle aged bus driver playing make-believe is funny enough without the embellishment/addition of unrelated details.
02/1/2007 TheBuyer: I wanted to go back to the "newsy" tone from the first graph with the last line. Human tragedy news items normally end in either 'missing and presumed dead' or 'name of the victims have not been released'.
02/1/2007 Litcube: I guess I didn't pick up the newsy tone in the first grafFh. Therefore the final few looked out of place for me. For me only, though. Ok?
02/1/2007 TheBuyer: I'm very talented.
02/1/2007 Mr. Pony (2.5): 'Inanimate' hurt this for me because the joke there is weaker than the main joke. Also, is this long enough to have tonal shifts? Would a successful tonal shift need to be more pronounced? How should I know, I just make pictures. If only the star member of our community would come back and set me straight. You know who you are, star member!
02/1/2007 scoop: Yeah good point, Pony. We need that guy to come back. Where is Shane Mahoney when you really need him?
02/1/2007 scoop (2): Also, I'm not sure what the joke is here. It might work nicely as a reveal of some kind, maybe, if the two fellows are arguing some point or another. And then we're like, "oh no these two silly fellows are arguning this point, even though they are about to die, but actually they are in a puddle or something." But as it is it leaves my frog's leg much like my three-inches of man meat -- sighing, limp, inert.
02/1/2007 scoop: Eliza: How amazing is Shane Mahoney in terms of numbers?
02/1/2007 Eliza (): I fail to see how your question addresses the pressing issue of how we are moving forward in our application of the North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources.
02/1/2007 scoop: Eliza: We are all Shane Mahoney.
02/1/2007 Eliza (): I fail to see how your question addresses the pressing issue of how we are moving forward in our application of the North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources.
02/1/2007 scoop: Eliza: How much worse a person is Mr. Pony compared to Shane Mahoney?
02/1/2007 Eliza (): If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
02/1/2007 scoop: Eliza: Shane Mahoney!
02/1/2007 Eliza (): I fail to see how your question addresses the pressing issue of how we are moving forward in our application of the North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources.
02/1/2007 TheBuyer: Eliza: scoop
02/1/2007 Eliza (): What do you think scoop would think of this short?
02/1/2007 TheBuyer: Eliza: I guarantee that regardless of his opinion of this short he will find a way to mention his penis.
02/1/2007 Eliza (): Give it a three.
02/1/2007 TheBuyer: ahhh fuck you.
02/1/2007 Litcube: I think they are gnomes in the short. This is what I think.
02/4/2007 TheBuyer: Stuffies. Plushies. An teddy bear maybe.
02/4/2007 scoop: Disney, what's the protocol again for repeal of Author status?
02/4/2007 scoop:
02/5/2007 Litcube: Yes, but I am correct on the part where I said that they are gnomes in this short.
02/5/2007 TheBuyer: No. Or, sure. Yes. Ok.