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“It’s not just the spelling of my first name that’s got me down, honey,” Jayson Blair said to the attractive but oblivious redhead who was performing a set of suggestive pre-exercise stretches in front of him, lifting her freckled ass right into Jayson’s lying line of vision.

Just then, the ghost of Mike Barnacle entered the room. “Don’t worry, Jason,” Mike said, and because he was so white, even whiter than normal as a ghost, he didn’t even get the spelling of Jayson’s name right. “Don’t worry – you’ll land back on your feet, Jason – an inside source at Fox News told me they want you for as the new host for the T. Daschle Piñata Hour!”

“Really?” Jayson asked.

“No, not really, you ass,” Mike said, breaking into an ominous chuckle.

“Would you believe it if I told you that my cousin is Tony Blair?” Jayson asked desperately.

“Sure wouldn’t,” said Mike the Ghost. Then he grabbed the redhead and flew out the window.

“Fuck,” said Jayson. “Nobody is going to believe this one.”

Date Written: May 15, 2003
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4

05/15/2003 anonymous (4):
05/17/2003 Dylan Danko (3): At first I thought the topicality of this one was simply a cheap ploy but then I realized it was intended to serve as a parable. That made it slightly better.
05/27/2003 scoop (5): the best part is that its accurate. unequivocally.
03/10/2004 Will Disney: the daschle reference is weak. barnicle reference is ok, in principle, but poorly done.