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"Heyy-AYYY," she crooned from the far side of our cube's opaque partition, "Wanna hear something...funny?" This last bit trailed off into that tongue-flapping-across-the-two-front-teeth laugh of hers, an aural assault of vibrating tee-H sounds! Barely glancing upward, I caught sight of her hugangoid sphere, her cranial mistake, her home of holes, her HEAD.

"...," I replied, cranking my balls into a coil to keep from crying out.

Encouraged, she went on. "I just love that part in Pulp Fiction where...thhh-ttt-thhh...deh heh..th...where the colored guy goes...thhh...'What's a nigger gonna do, eat some more'!"

Boy. I sure don't have to tell you how difficult it was to keep it together when she botched that line. I especially don't have to tell you because I didn't keep it together!

Instead, I reached into the cabinet and removed my kevlar arm sleeve, affixed the curved fist attachment and lubed that motherfucker with Crisco. Nude, I leapt upon the desk, and declared, "The line is: what's a nigger gonna do? He's SAMOAN!!" I rolled my dong along the edge of the partition, screeching "EEEEEEEEEE!!!" with all I could muster.

And then I set upon her like a puma, like a puma with a kevlar sleeve w/ fist probe attachment, actually, and plunged the arm into her gaping maw.

There was a struggle. But soon my hand saw the light of day, poking happily from her aperture.

And when I saw the guy from HR giving me that look, I hoisted her up, pig-on-a-spit like, and pointed at him.

"What?!"

Date Written: June 11, 2003
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 4

Comments:
06/11/2003 anonymous (4):
06/17/2003 scoop (3): derivative.
01/14/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Man, we've all been there. Except for the kevlar bit.
10/6/2004 TheBuyer (5): Nice Dick!
10/6/2004 Dick Vomit: This is pseudosemiautobiographical.
10/8/2004 Litcube (5): Wow. The ensuing laughter in my office attracted many stern faces.
12/24/2004 Shane Mahoney (1): I fail to see how this piece addresses the pressing issue of how we are moving forward in our application of the North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources.
12/24/2004 Dick Vomit: That you, TREE?
02/2/2005 The Rid (5): While I fail to see how this piece addresses the pressing issue of how we are moving forward in our application of the North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources, I still must say: QC, ditto.