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Hunchcock couldn't believe what he was seeing: there in the produce department, a golden pyramid of passion fruit. Tart, luscious passion fruit! A stock boy was affixing labels to each of their leathery hides. "Who's your supplier?" Hunchcock asked. "What?" "Where do you get passion fruit? I can't find these things anywhere!" "I don't know." The boy didn't look up from his work. "Well, you guys hang on to that connection. I'm going to buy every one of these delicious things!" Hunchcock positioned his cart beneath the fruit pile and swept them off their perch by the armload. "Gonna need another cart over here!" he shouted. "But wait... where will I keep all of these? I'm not even sure what the appropriate storage conditions are... What temperature are you maintaining these at, and how long will they stay fresh?" "I don't know," the boy said. "Well, now we've got a problem. How can I keep myself in passion fruit for the foreseeable future?" The boy continued his stickering. "Tell you what!" Hunchcock clapped his hands. "You guys keep buying up the fruit in bulk from your wholesalers, and I'll purchase only what I need for any given week. Feel free to add a surcharge to the product, to cover your transportation and storage costs. You can put that profit toward the purchase of still more fruit. Okay?" "Sure." "Well, this is wonderful! By procuring and storing the goods I require, you're providing me with an incredibly valuable service! Now I need only buy what I can consume in the short-term, obviating the need for an extensive larder!” Hunchcock marveled at the simplicity of the arrangement. “There’s just one problem,” he conceded. “I don’t have any products of intrinsic value to exchange for—wait a second! I have in my possession a number of government debt obligations. IOU’s, really. Just thinking out loud here, but what if...”

Date Written: November 15, 2008
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.5

11/17/2008 Will Disney: qualcomm
11/17/2008 anonymous: okay, any other critiques? we're gonna open this up to q&a now. anyone want to know where i get my ideas?
11/18/2008 Litcube: Huh. Reads like a Qualcomm, but the idea doesn't seem very Qualcomm. Hasn't Jon Matza been through this idea before?
11/18/2008 qualcomm: oh, it's always "jon matza this, jon matza that" with you. the sun don't rise and set on jon matza. anyway, i'll paypal a dollar to someone who can rewrite this so it's funny.
11/20/2008 Dylan Danko: Topical, innit?
11/24/2008 Ewan Snow: Total rip off...
11/24/2008 qualcomm: agreed
11/24/2008 qualcomm: agreed
11/24/2008 qualcomm: hey disney, you dicknut, i don't want to "preview" what i have to say any more, okay? i just want to say it. god, you're a fuck.
12/16/2008 qualcomm: eliza: i farted.
12/16/2008 Eliza (): I drink semen.
01/15/2009 Mr. Pony: Eliza: Do you remember me?
01/15/2009 Eliza (): Wow, that's really insightful.
01/15/2009 Mr. Pony: Eliza: What about me?
01/15/2009 Eliza (): If Jack helped you off a horse, would you help Jack off a horse?
01/15/2009 Mr. Pony: Huh.
01/15/2009 qualcomm: Eliza: Hey Eliza, that's Mr. Pony!
01/15/2009 Eliza (): You know what's weird? My mom really likes Mr. Pony.
02/12/2009 Mr. Joshua (4.5): Further proof of my earlier prediction of QC's inevitable slide toward objectivism. This thing runs out of gas at the end...probably only deserved 4, but I didnt get you anything for you birthday, so let's call it even.