home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


Dr. Various squoozed out a cold worm of ultrasound jelly on Jennifer's distended belly. She felt a tickling in her groin as he massaged it into her skin, and in a flash of intuition, knew he was one of those men who fetishizes his semen and its disposal. "And now," he said, pressing the transducer against her skin, "The bombardment of your fetus with powerful, high frequency sound waves." A moment later, the machine beeped, and Dr. Various moved the transducer a couple inches over. After a dozen or so of these snapshots had gridded Jennifer's abdomen, Various wiped off the jelly and turned on the machine's monitor. "All right, let's see what we can see," he said, adjusting some knobs. Jennifer noted with some annoyance that he had angled the screen away from her. "What in the name of," murmurred Various. He twiddled a few more knobs and leaned in close to the monitor. "It's a... monster! A monster!" Various smacked the heel of his palm against the monitor's side. "AAAGGGGH! AGGGGH!" he cried. Jennifer bolted upright and looked at the screen. The blurry smudge of an image looked like any ultrasound she could remember. "Doctor, please, what's wrong with my baby?!" Various's horrified rictus relaxed into a warm smile. "I'm just teasing, Jennifer. Just teasing. You have a healthy, beautiful child inside you." Jennifer fought the urge to claw out her obstetrician's eyes. How could anyone be capable of such a cruel trick? The room spun as she stood up, and she gripped the examination table for support. "There, there," Various purred, touching her hand. "Take it easy now..." Without warning, he sunk his fist into Jennifer's gut, terminating her pregnancy the old fashioned way. She slumped against him and drifted out of consciousness. Various had not lied; Jennifer's baby was physically normal. It just seemed like kind of a dick.

Date Written: February 25, 2009
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 3.375

02/26/2009 Dylan Danko: Not sure. Seems like a set up for the last line but it had funny parts.
02/26/2009 Dylan Danko (4): Where is everyone?
02/26/2009 Mr. Pony (3.5): Perhaps I agree with Dylan! While I am whelmed by the overarching arc, there are jokes. The "your baby is a monster" felt stale to me, but the execution was well-executed. Good acting, author!
02/28/2009 Will Disney: it was okay
03/3/2009 Ewan Snow (3): This is so unrealistic. The ultrasound doesn't take snapshots. It's more like video. You watch it as it works. The pictures you see printed out are stills. 3 stars for shoddy research.
03/3/2009 qualcomm: i forgot to mention that this takes place in 1954
03/5/2009 Litcube (3): I figure the "monster" bit might not matter if it's stale on account of Various actually acting during this part. I was expecting an awesomer ending. First paragraph is very awesome.
03/14/2009 qualcomm (2.5): you're all wrong. the real problem with this short is that it isn't very well written.
03/16/2009 Dylan Danko: that is one of the problems.