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R.O.B.E.R.T the Robot journalist stared at his blank computer screen, the gears in its neck module whizzed as he shifted his head node quizzically back and forth. His programming hadn't prepared him for this.

R.O.B.E.R.T (Robotic Operational Binary Equivalent Reporting Technoid) couldn't figure out a way to end his story on the closing of the firehouse

He was designed for objectivity. But he wanted to affect what the humans call "emotion" in his carbon-based audience.

Sal the seasoned, rumpled veteran swigged the last of his Wild Turkey from his dented flask and glanced over at his office mate. He staggered over to R.O.B.E.R.T the Robot's cubicle. He threw his arm over R.O.B.E.R.T the Robot's shoulder mechanism.

"It's all about verbs, kid, strong verbs," Sal barked. "Fuck adjectives. Adjectives are for pussies."

R.O.B.E.R.T tilted his head-node. "Pussies," he inquired.

"You'll understand one day, kid," Sal said. "One day."

Later that year, as Sal died of an alcohol induced stroke in the office begging for help, R.O.B.E.R.T the Robot watched with child like wonder. He wrote that his friend's body "flopped" and his mouth "foamed." His sub processors shuddered with recognition.

The day had come.

Date Written: July 01, 2003
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 4.57143

07/5/2003 Benny Maniacs (5): I Weewy weewy wiked it a wot. (tooth ache).
11/27/2003 Mr. Pony (4): I like the word "technoid". A lot. I like the word a lot.
11/28/2003 Ewan Snow: I remember when I used to be into this kind of short-short. This one in particular is a pale shadow of my classic 1996 short about the robot P.O.L.Y.P. (Programmable Ontological Life-Yearning Polygon). The "carbon-based" joke is old hat. The robot thing in general is done, thanks in part to Feldspar and my exhaustive treatment in the ’99 classic Does Not Compute. Even the delayed moment-of-realization-as-short-short-climax was long ago played out. You're years behind the times, kid…
01/22/2004 Will Disney (5): you know - i think i missed this one originally - or skipped it due to ewan's comments. but you know what? this one "rocks".
03/25/2004 anonymous (1): Too easy a target. Robotic consciousness; the grizzled reporter.
10/26/2004 TheBuyer (5):
06/17/2005 John Slocum (3.5): yewan, you're comment seems stodgy. This is very entertaining.
06/17/2005 The Rid (4.5): True.