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The rookie officer Emisarrio Din emptied the contents of his purse into the victim's open chest wound. “Officer Din!” screamed the new loot they sent in to replace the gooey loot. “Are you contaminating a crime scene? What in God's fuck are you doing?” The new loot looked like he was about to throw a rod. “I'm emptying my purse, sir,” Emissario said. “I couldn't find my lip gloss.” “Are you reverse ass fucking me, Officer Din?” “No, sir.” “Is your asshole distended and rigid, forming a cock-shaped thingy that's prying its way into my urethra at this very moment?” “No, sir.” “THEN PICK YOUR FUCKING LIP GLOSS OUT OF THIS MAN'S THOREX AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!” Emisarrio plucked the lip gloss from the victim's left lung and traced it onto his lips. The new loot was always screaming. The gooey loot never screamed like that. In fact, until Internal Affairs came to take him away, the gooey loot didn't do anything but whack off and fling semen around. “I never did find out,” Emisarrio thought, “why they called him the gooey loot.”

Date Written: August 21, 2009
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 3.16667

08/24/2009 qualcomm: okay now this comes from canada.
08/25/2009 Ewan Snow: Totally.
08/26/2009 Jon Matza: Pleasantly demented yarn. ED = choice name...Taster's Choice, even. Thought you objected to all caps tho? No matter, no matter. 'zamboni
08/27/2009 Litcube (3.5):
08/28/2009 Ewan Snow: Litcube, you're just like the new loot. And qc, you're just like the gooey loot. And frankly, I'm sick of you fucking loots. Why are you such loots? Seriously. Seriously. Matza, you're more like the chewy loot. I'll write a story about you next time.
08/28/2009 qualcomm: can't wait to reread this in 2014, near the end of acme 2.0's term.
09/14/2009 Litcube: “Are you reverse ass fucking me?"
10/12/2009 Master Bates (3): I like the title but you could have tossed in a hillbilly somewhere. I'm just sayin'.
10/19/2009 Mylittlepony (3): we can poop back and forth forever