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EXT. LOS ANGELES – HOME DEPOT - MORNING BERU Luke, tell Owen that if he gets a carpenter to be sure it speaks English. LUKE It looks like we don't have much of a choice but I'll remind him. Luke returns to his uncle as they look over the laborers with the Jawa leader. OWEN I have no need for a dish washer. THREEPIO (quickly) Señor! No en un entorno como este. Es por eso que se han programando mas de treinta funciones secundarias-- OWEN What I really need is a carpenter that understands the English language of contractors and home improvers. THREEPIO Contractor! Señor -- mi eh-first eh-job was to tile eh-floors for plumber! It is almos same as contractor! OWEN Do you speak English? THREEPIO I eh-speak! Is second lengwich for me. No es- OWEN All right shut up! (turning to Jawa) I'll take this one. THREEPIO Bien. OWEN Luke, take these two over to the garage, will you? I want you to have both of them cleaned up before dinner. LUKE But I was going down to Best Buy to pick up a subwoofer for the Altima! OWEN You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done. Now come on, get to it! LUKE All right, come on! And the fat one, come on. Well, come on, Chubs, let's go. As the Jawas start to lead the three remaining laborers back into the box truck, Artoo lets out a pathetic little ¡Ay de mi! and starts after his old amigo Threepio. He is restrained by a slimy Jawa, who kicks him with a steel-toed boot. Owen is negotiating with the head Jawa. Luke and the two laborers start off for the garage when the pants fall off the fat laborer, who begins to defecate profusely. LUKE Uncle Owen... OWEN Yeah? LUKE This laborer has diarrhea. Look! OWEN (to the head Jawa) Hey, what're you trying to push on us? The Jawa goes into a loud spiel. Meanwhile, Artoo has sneaked out of line and is moving up and down trying to attract attention. He lets out with a low whistle. Threepio taps Luke on the shoulder. THREEPIO (pointing to Artoo) Señor. Permiso. My eh-friend. He is very good. No cost much. No much. LUKE Uncle Owen... OWEN Yeah? LUKE What about that one? OWEN (to Jawa) What about that drunk one? We'll take that one. With a little reluctance the scruffy dwarf trades the drunk laborer for the fat one with diarrhea. LUKE Yeah, take it away. THREEPIO Uh, you will like my frain. You like heem. No troubles. No troubles. Yes? He comes now. You see? Owen pays off the whining Jawa as Luke and the two laborers trudge off toward a grimy looking RV. LUKE Okay, let's go.

Date Written: February 23, 2011
Author: Dick Vomit
Average Vote: 4.25

02/24/2011 Mr. Pony (4):
02/24/2011 anonymous: This short is based on Star Wars.
02/25/2011 scoop: Feels like a transcript of a depressing youtube video. I never thought I'd see the day that this rotten INTERNET kultur would so thoroughly pollute AcmeShorts.com
11/8/2011 Benny Maniacs (4.5): I gotta admit I liked it.