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“The moment you’ve been waiting for your whole life will never come,” said Susan, “or rather it comes every moment but is unrecognizable.” This was the end. She wasn’t going to waste another minute of her life with him.

“So you’re saying live in the moment? Isn’t that a cliché?” There was a chance she might put out, he thought. Did her tone mean she was horny?

“Just because a notion is hackneyed,” said Susan, “doesn’t mean it’s not true, or that people ever really understand it.” She couldn’t wait to get away, to un-fuck-up her life.

“You just hanked a monkey wrench on my plumbing,” he said. “I think I got a leaky pipe under the sink now.” Susan was wrong; the moment he’d been waiting for his whole life did come (in a sexual manner) just then. Strangely, the emission took the form of cloyingly sweet acidic fog that melted Susan’s face off (killing her) and also caused second-degree burns on his inner thighs, penis and testicles.

Date Written: September 20, 2003
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4.5

09/21/2003 Will Disney: i like the opening sentence.
09/24/2003 Jon Matza: This short aptly illustrates the extent to which we are willing to suffer--even to the extent of death & genital disfigurement--in order to achieve a hard boner.
09/30/2003 Ewan Snow: I like the last sentence.
12/6/2004 TheBuyer (5): corrective five for at least one criminal three. all hail the maplelith.
12/6/2004 Ewan Snow: hey, Buyer, were there votes on this when you voted? I thought there were but now I only see yours.
12/6/2004 TheBuyer: nope, it was a clean slate.
12/6/2004 Ewan Snow: So what's the "criminal three" you're talking about? You mean potential criminal three?
12/6/2004 TheBuyer: no it was a while back when I thought three, being better than halfway, was a decent rating. I've linked to it before, but can't for the life of me remember which short it was.
12/6/2004 TheBuyer: snow, found it here
12/6/2004 Mr. Pony: I think there should be an emoticon that clears up that particular misunderstanding.
12/7/2004 scoop (4): (In Disney's Acme voice) "At least *he* turned out okay." Extropian last graf, dude.