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6 p.m., VIP Pub. I put a ten on the bar. “Gin on ice, Sam.”

“It’s on me, Al.”

Not a bad egg, eh? I put a tip on the bar and had a big sip. Ahh. A bum day so far, but not as bad now.

Cut to 10 p.m. I was on gin six and lit by now. I’d go in a bit…

A low hum met my ear. “Hi, Al.”

I sat up. No way—was it her? Eve, the gal at the lab? Yes it was! I’d had my eye on her for an eon or two was all!

“Hi, Eve! How are ya? Sit by me? I’ll buy you one if you let me.” Ten to one I’d get a “no”, but why not ask?

But sit she did! I was in awe. Man oh man she was a fox! An ass to die for, and up top…son of a gun! The way her bra jut out, it was apt to rip in two. A set fit for a god.

I now had a new aim: to get Eve in bed. And was it me, or did she have sin in her eye too? If so, she was too shy to let on, I saw. OK by me—I’d let her act coy for now. So we had a few…

Cut to one a.m. She had to pee, and as she hit the can my eye was on her ass. To me, her ass was art. Man, I was hot for her. How can I get her? I’ve got to ask her…

She was on her way to the bar now. Be a man…try it! I met her eye. “I’m hot for you, Eve.” The cat was out of the bag now...

It was a hit. She lit up. “Me too, Al! I’ve got a yen for you in a big way. Can we go to bed now? Say yes and I’ll die of joy. My mom is in D.C., so I’m on my own.” She ran her arm up my leg and bit her lip. “I’ll beg for it if you say so.”

Wow! Not so shy at one a.m., eh? I had to hug her. “I’ll get us a cab.”

By 1:10 we got to her pad and she let me in. She put on an old LP by the Who and we sat on her bed. Sex was in the air. I was a fly in her web, and it was OK by me…

She got on my lap. I had a bad yen to rub her ass, so I did. It was a joy.

“Now do my tit!” To aid me, she got her bra off (she was a D cup, by the way). I bit on it and she let out a cry. My rod was big as a bat by now. Eve saw it and got it out. Oh man…

“Do it now, Al! Use me!”

My God! I put it in and she let out a sob of joy. Man was she wet! She got on top of me and we had our way…

By and by my rod was all set to go off. Eve saw and got off of me. “Not yet!” She put oil on it. “Put it up my ass!”

“Are you—”

“Do it!”

Who was I to say no? I got on top of her and put the tip in.

“No, jam it in all the way! Do it now!”

“If you say so, Eve…”

“Oh my God!! Yes…yes…yes…!”

In and out, in and out…I did not let up. I did her in the can as if I was mad.


Cut to two a.m. We lay on the bed.

“Did you get off, Eve?”

“I had six, Al.”

Six? I was a sex god!

The End.

p.s. To see a red hot xxx mpg of Eve, go to www.oui.com.

Date Written: October 02, 2003
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 5

10/2/2003 Dylan Danko: Who's Jen?
10/2/2003 qualcomm: Interesting... Jen. Must be the broad the author had in his mind's eye...
10/2/2003 Jon Matza: Over the course of composition, the female protagonist's surname evolved from Lee to Pam to Jen to Eve, for reasons I am not at liberty to disclose at this point in time. All occurrences of Jen were supposed to have been changed to Eve. This operation was not performed succesfully, as was noted here. Steps have been taken to fix this error; however, I would like to apologize for any emotional distress I may have caused any readers, in particular Jennifer Ihaveabigcunto and her family, the Ihaveabigcuntos, to whom this short bears no connection whatsoever.
10/2/2003 Jon Matza: Curses! I mean first name.
10/2/2003 Ewan Snow: I don't know what to believe anymore. I will say, that despite how stupid this short was, I laughed out loud twice. I'm not sure why nobody thought of making a penthouse forum type short short before (which this sort of was)...
10/14/2003 Phony Millions (5): Now that's entertainment!Matza really got a certain vernacular here. My favorite line: "I’d had my eye on her for an eon or two was all!" 'Was all!' I want to talk all hard-boiled and shit like that.
10/14/2003 Jon Matza: Thanks to those who found some merit here. However, I can hold my tongue no longer: Isn't anyone going to comment on the pointless "3 letters or less per word" gimmick? (Follow up to http://acmeshorts.com/shorts/default.aspx?shortid=317)? Can you imagine how much daring this took?
10/22/2003 Phony Millions (5): Dude, that's deep. I did not catch that!
10/22/2003 Will Disney: yeah holy crow
06/7/2005 John Slocum (5): Brilliant, showing the rigor and discipline of the Matzoid. Next up: 2 words or less!
07/20/2005 Pfineous (5): Matza for Pres-o-dent!
08/3/2005 Partytime: Killer short.
02/22/2011 qualcomm (5): yep
02/22/2011 Mr. Pony (5): Radical.
02/23/2011 scoop (5): My only complaint is that my red hot xxx dream of seeing dirty eve in all her splendor was undone by the gritty reality of global commerce on the World Wide Web. I was wondering author dog, when you conceived of this short, did you have the whole narrative mapped out? Or did you sort of have a scenario, execute a couple successful three-word sentences, and then it took off from there, building and building until it reached its (6th) climax?
02/24/2011 Jon Matza: Brethronians - this guy (aka the brocinerator) has tended to regard this as a lesser effort and is thus baffled by (though not unappreciative of) these creamy plaudits. Scoop- one doesn't fully recall but suspects like most 'za texts it was a stream of consciousness outpouring followed by minor tinkering w/plot + heavy linguistic polishing. Bigs respects, Za
p.s. In retrospect ZZ top might've been a loiner choice than the who...
02/24/2011 scoop: Brother, sometimes an unfettered sense of joy is more important than chops, wit, insight or intellect. I think this is, if I may, a sirloin example of that acmetruth. A measured but really inane glee burns from within this short and warms many of the shorts that are within its corona in the INTERNET acmelibrary.