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Feldspar took the white blotter acid he bought in Central Park and stuck it on his tongue. 45 minutes later he felt the familiar knot in his stomach.

“Speedy, this,” he said to Ewan.

“Yeah,” replied Ewan. He had taken his hit two hours earlier and was ‘tripping’.

“I’m afraid the whole thing is going to be prosaic,” said Jon. I’ll get to that realization like I always do, where I realize that ‘oh wow everything is really nothing’ or some crap like that, and it won’t even be interesting or enlightening.”

“Yeah like that moment in Animal House where they’re…”

Jon cut Ewan off. “Yeah yeah the solar system is like an atom, with the professor on the stairs.”

Ewan started laughing hysterically. “The whole thing is you already had that thing in your twenties when you took acid – we’ve been down this road already. You’re in your thirties now – it’s turned full circle now – it’s just for kicks, nothing more! Asshole!” Ewan ran off to join his wife and child, laughing moronically.

Jon already regretted that he had taken the hit. “Just for kicks. What is that? What the fuck is just for kicks?” The next twelve hours were menacingly bad. Ewan insisted on going to an old hang out they used to frequent in college to shoot pool. It was filled with Columbia frat types.

Jon taunted Ewan. “Just for kicks? Looks like you’re trying to relive the old days, bringing us here.” He looked at the bartender and hallucinated, annoyed.

Ewan was psyched out by Jon’s dig. It was the moment in the trip where everything took on a serious, morbid tone. “Relive the old days…old days…” Suddenly he felt an incredible sadness, immediately followed by a panic he hadn’t felt since his early twenties. There was a twitching in his groin, and he heard a voice say, “I have to tinkle” but he didn’t know if it was his own voice or in his head.

“Dude, did you just say ‘tinkle’?” said the frat guy nearby. Chuckles, outright laughter. Ewan looked around and grew paranoid. He took his shot and missed, thrown off spatially by the drug. “SHUT UP!!!” he screamed. The bar fell silent, and then Ewan’s son began to cry.

“Let’s go home, honey” purred Jimson, holding the baby tightly.

“NO! NO! NO!” Ewan screamed
Jon ran out of the bar, into the streets, feeling alive. Disco played in his head and he felt giddy.

Date Written: October 22, 2003
Author: Phony Millions
Average Vote: 5

10/22/2003 qualcomm (5): yeah, that ewan is such a chump.
11/26/2003 Ewan Snow: See this short for my obnoxious response to this obnoxious short...