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Investigative Report Pt. 1
Sure, he was the murder “victim”, but was he really a victim exactly? I mean, everyone agreed he had it coming, or “needed killin’” as his stupid, idiot, redneck, retarded neighbors might have said if I had asked them. As an investigative reporter, it was my duty to ask. And I did my doody all right – all over the floor. But I did not ask them. Could not be bothered to. And you know what? I don’t regret it!
Consider these facts. “Jon”, which is the pseudonym I’ll use just because it’s so goddamn common on this site, would run around town with a bullseye taped to his crotch and a carrot suspended by a stick hanging in front of his face. He would run around like an idiot – a carrot and a stick! This man was ridiculous. It’s the fucking carrot or the stick. Jesus fucking christ.
In the course of my investigations, I got to know “Jon”’s mother. Man, she was a hot little tart. I used to fool her into thinking I cared about her. HA! What about my journalistic objectivity, woman? God, I had her fooled. I would be having sex with her, and I would be thinking about journalism. I couldn’t even hardly keep it up! You know why? Because journalism is a boner-killer.
Kansas is a lonely state. I watched the winds blowing over the corn many mornings. The winds – whatever. The winds. I’ll tell you one thing. This guy “Jon” – which is to say Steve Stark – I just can’t tell – the winds, jesus, I dunno…
Date Written: October 22, 2003
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4.5