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Flip wondered if teenage Jesus had been a loser. Flurries of pimples? Inferior around girls? Jesus had once been made fun of in Aramaic class: "Jesus cut the cheeses! Jesus cut the cheeses!"

Then Flip felt silly for even contemplating such a lame subject - nobody gives a shit about Jesus anymore. OK, then, who was the more modern, more relevant Jesus? Islam was on the up and up. Bin Laden? It would help if Bin Laden did exorcisms, and redrew his geneology back to Muhammed. People would be onto his exorcisms though - unless they were done on a David Blane type reality show.

Deep down, Flip knew he had to face facts. There probably is no Jesus of today. There was no Jesus even when Jesus was around. People just made up most of that shit about him after he died. People were stupid then, they would have worshipped David Blane. OK but these days people worship the Pope and they're equally as stupid. OK but people worship MLK and they aren't so stupid.

Still though, there had been a teenage Jesus. And he had jerked-off and rubbed it into his land-lady's carpet.

Date Written: December 13, 2003
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 4.25

12/22/2003 anonymous (4):
12/22/2003 Phony Millions (4): Yeah!
02/23/2004 scoop (4): Landlady's shag carpet!
05/31/2004 TheBuyer (5): Jesus never fails.