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"What's the secret to your success, Mr Sternum?" the chorus of reporters shouted out.

"Well, on the one hand, the left hand, whose loyal legions are known as 'lefties', I'm very avuncular, which gives me entree into the niece and nephew types. On the other, superior, hand, the right hand, I'm very gubernatorial, which plays favorably among rugby moms and closet degenerates. When these two hands get together and "shake", their fingers intertwine and the left hand (being avuncular) tries to molest the innocent gubernatorial digits thereby producing what is often referred to (with apt rapture) as 'sweaty palms'."

Each reporter took a turn sitting on Mr Sternum's lap.

Afterward, some reported "bad touches". Others: ecstasy...

Date Written: December 30, 1899
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 3.75

12/30/1899 anonymous (5):
12/30/1899 anonymous (1):
12/30/1899 anonymous (5):
02/26/2004 qualcomm (4): i think this baby shoulda ended with the penultimate sentence. also, i think it'd make a splendid skit. which is what i think we should do with a lot of these shorts of ours.
04/23/2004 scoop (5): Agree with The Lerpa on all counts. But I have a place in my heart for the skewering of scumbag hack reporters.
04/23/2004 qualcomm: actually, i meant the penultimate graf
04/23/2004 scoop: Oh, I thought you meant the pentultimate graf.