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Folks, I'm not going to lie to you: I can get you a great deal on just about any popular high-end software package. You want to pay a lot more for a similar program with half the features and a fancy schmancy interface, be my guest. It's none of my business. You want to talk till the cows come home about licensing, latest versions, free installations, upgrades, security patches, yadda yadda yadda? Brother, I will not be the one to stop you. If that's what floats you boat, God bless. More power to ya.

If, on the other hand, you're simply interested in purchasing quality product at bargain basement prices, you've come to the right zip code. I can deliver. Let's do business.

Listen, I know you're thinking, "How's it possible for this guy to be offering a suite of software with all the functionality of the leading competitor's brand at one third the price? What's the catch?" (Am I right?) Hey, I don't blame you, I'd be thinking the same if I were you. Well, there's only one catch--and it's that there IS no catch!

Folks, there are people out there telling me it isn't ethical to sell these software packages at these prices. That it ain't fair to the other guy. That I'm putting the other guy out of business. They say, "Are you insane?!? You can't make a living on such a low profit threshold!" My answer to them is, "Last time I checked, it wasn't against the law to deliver software to the customer at a fair price."

Folks, I'm gonna level with you. I don't want to get too personal here, but my life is a hateful ordeal filled with misery and pain. I have serious health problems, an estranged wife and kids, recurring panic attacks and a profound sense of spiritual emptiness. Each day for me is another crushing defeat, and my jaded self-loathing has reached the point where my only pleasure is seeing others fail.

But I'll let you in another little secret, ladies and gents. I could walk out of here today a happy man. Wouldn't take much to put a smile on my face, either...just a simple favor. One for which I'd be forever in your debt. Folks, I am asking you...no, I'm begging you to permit me to hook you up with the latest, most robust software applications in existence today at inconceivably low prices.

Date Written: December 15, 2003
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 5

12/23/2003 Will Disney (5): five stars. first of, i *am* interested in purchasing quality product at bargain basement prices. secondly, my jaded self-loathing has also reached that point.
12/23/2003 Will Disney: boy 400+ words and i didn't get bored. probably because of my background in "sales", huh?
02/23/2004 scoop (5): I think this one would have benefited from brevity, but man, its good. Really captures this particular vocie well. Anotehr secret, f-ing great.
12/13/2004 Ewan Snow (5): This one is gross.
12/13/2004 qualcomm (5): was this inspired by bob gardener?
12/14/2004 John Slocum: I love this except for the cheap shock-value tactics you stoop to.
05/16/2005 Alfred P. Whitaker (5): That is to say, I love this, particularly the last paragraph.
06/21/2005 Shomer Shabbas (5): Solid.
11/23/2010 Marvin_Bernstein: it sounds good, what kind of sofware and what licenses? crm or utility is most desired thank you