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ER
"Healing Hospital"
TEASER
FADE IN:
ER/ ADMISSIONS AREA
A BLACK MAN who kinda looks like a gang member (maybe we
could get Ice Cube or Ludacris or Kool Moe Dee for this
sweep episode) falls down in the ER really drunk and vomits
blood on the floor then starts to shake and stuff. CARTER
totally walks in all in his doctor clothes and is like...
CARTER
What's with this sick guy?
And KOVACH totally hears Carter because he's like...
KOVACH
He looks really sick so
tracheomaty.
And he totally cuts open his throat and saves him, but
before that ABBY walks up to Carter and they fight: (This
happens before the saving.)
ABBY
You don't pay attention to my
brother and mom who have this
problem where they get all crazy.
CARTER
(is all like)
Well I'm rich but I'm a doctor
anyway even though my dad...
(did you know the dad
is the dad from
Family Ties, Mike
Grosser or
something? I think
that's his name. So
weird that he's
playing a dad here
too.)
...and Gamma don't want me to be.
CUT TO:
ER/ HALLWAY
WEAVER comes walking down the hall, and her cane's going
CLACK CLACK CLACK on the floor so everyone knows she coming
and because she's a lesbian she's really pissed because she
hasn't gotten any cock since that dude from Highlander
porked her in Season 2 or 3.
CUT TO:
ER/ ADMISSIONS AREA
So Weaver totally criple-walks into the waiting area and
sees Kovach working on Snoop Dogg or Eminem's throat and
totally starts to wave around her cane angrily. Seeing her
do this - along with the CLACK CLACK CLACK noise - will
help viewers who have never seen the show understand that
she is handicapped (aka exposition). So she starts
yelling:
WEAVER
(the actress should
be really angry
here)
Hey! This is a healing hospital!
It's not Croatia or a mental
hospital or a rich dad's house...
(you know it's really
interesting how
Mitchell Gross was a
hippie dad on
"Family Ties" but
here he plays a rich
dad. I think we
should have him walk
around in the
background at some
point.)
...so get to work and make sure
you clear the board!
And Weaver holds up her cane and points it at the board to
show the doctors (and the viewers) that she means that
board. It also reminds us that she is a cripple.
SUDDENLY a CAR comes CRASHING into the ER and totally hits
all the DOCTORS! So now the DOCTORS are the PATIENTS!
SMASH CUT TO:
MAIN TITLES
(If I was a viewer, I'd totally be freaking out right now.)
Date Written: January 02, 2004
Author: Dolemite
Average Vote: 4.65385