home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


Dear Constituent,

Thank you for your generous donation! I’m sure it was the best you could do. Thank you!

You know, elections are about trust. So are marriages. Can I trust my wife? You bet I can. Can my wife trust me? No, she cannot! Oh, shit, she cannot.

If elected (or should I say, ‘when elected’?), I’ll do my best to fight for you – the little guy. I am not kidding. I will kill anyone who gets in our way! I will fucking kill them! In fact, that’s how I’ll use the $10 you sent me – to buy a towel to wipe the blood off my face after I’ve ripped out the entrails of our enemies with my bare teeth.

My opponent wants to lower commercial real estate taxes. You see? I will rip out his fucking entrails. Goddammit, I will dry them in the sun! YESSSS!

You know, I often think back to my childhood. Life was so simple back then. I remember once I was struck - by a bat. I think this was at my house. God, yes, it was. It was awful, actually. It was terrifying.

Come on, buddy, shine a little light on my darkness. I’m counting on your vote.


Date Written: January 13, 2004
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4.42857

01/16/2004 Texxx (4): Okay - it fades a little towards the end, but this is really good.
01/16/2004 Dylan Danko (4): I just burst out laughing when I got to "My opponent wants to lower commercial real estate taxes." I don't know why but I did. People in the office are looking at me now.
01/16/2004 sireneast (4): Got my vote!
01/16/2004 qualcomm (5): this is very funny, that's all, no big deal.
01/16/2004 Ewan Snow: This is so true! By the way, I think it's real BS that Disney (sireneast) is voting for himself...
01/16/2004 Will Disney: yeah, self, you're not being fair!
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony (5):
08/4/2004 TheBuyer (4): Nice pick!
02/28/2007 Master Bates (5): shine a little light!