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My kudos itched. Uh oh - could it possibly be time again already? I headed over to the men's room to investigate.
Sure enough, several kudos were tender and inflamed!
Shit...I'd have to call the team in for another impromptu meeting, though a busy day lay ahead. I returned to the office and had Greta spread the word. Heading for Conference Room C, I gingerly probed my kudos through my trouser pocket. Damn they felt sensitive...
As soon as my staff was assembled, I began. "Folks, I thought it was high time kudos were given to those involved in the Citibank Project. You've done a super job, and believe me, I know at times it's been a real bear. So kudos!"
Aaaaah...already the throbbing in my kudos had begun to subside. I went on. "Next, I wanted to give my sincere kudos to Info Tech. Sometimes the contribution these guys make slips our mind, but they've been stepping up to the plate since Day 1. We've all had moments when some tech glitch threatened to derail us, but our friends in IT are there 24-7 to keep us on track. Great job, guys." I nodded meaningfully and began to clap my hands in an exaggerated manner, thereby obliging my audience to join in.
By the time the halfhearted round of applause died down, I was feeling a definite sense of relief. Still, a dull twinge was apparent in one or two kudos. Best keep going...
"Last but not least, I would be extremely remiss if I didn't single out Bob Landos and Bob Jenning for their brilliant last minute fixes." I smiled at the pair of socially inept introverts, who squirmed in their seats, mortified. "The programming expertise these guys deployed from back end to user interface...well, let's just say their scripting was a beacon of light that got us through some very murky waters. Kudos, 'Bobs'!" The duo resentfully acknowledged this with barely perceptible nods while avoiding any and all eye contact.
That did it. My kudos thrummed with energy and vitality.
Date Written: January 22, 2004
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 4.53571
Comments:
01/29/2004 Will Disney (4): fucking kudos. good stuff. although "bobs" - isn't that from 'office space'?
01/29/2004 Dylan Danko (5): Holy Fuck! Perhaps Matza's best short! Ahhh, that feels better.
01/29/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Kudos!
01/29/2004 Will Disney: ewan, don't you mean 'congrats' ?
01/29/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (5): So is Info Tech, I believe. But I don't think it really matters. No deductions here.
01/29/2004 Texxx (4): Nice deployment of 'kudos.'
01/29/2004 Dylan Danko: I also enjoy the moral here.
01/29/2004 senator: I believe it is Initech. Also, Bob is a very common name. I'm going to read this again before I pass judgement. I don't read so well.
01/29/2004 Will Disney: okay sure - bob is a common name. but statistically speaking, "bobs"?
01/29/2004 Dylan Danko: Short for Bobsey twins, douche.
01/29/2004 senator: Statistically speaking...I would agree with you. Just giving the benefit of the doubt.
01/29/2004 qualcomm (4): As a just-so story for kudos, 5 stars. As a satire of bland offices, 3 stars.
01/29/2004 Joe Frankenstone (3): So this provoked in me the emotional reaction of "disgust." Why? I'll be discussing it with my therapist.
01/29/2004 Dylan Danko: What about as a public service announcement for venereal disease?
01/29/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: tee hee. You're silly, Dylan.
01/29/2004 Dylan Danko: Hey for what it's worth, Jimson, I'm proud to be a member of your constituency.
01/29/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Oh, it's worth a great deal. Like, a bazillion, I think. Street value, that is.
02/4/2004 Shomer Shabbas (5): Downright amusing! Congrats! No worries!
04/6/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Matza, you've taken three or four easy targets and combined them into a tasty masterpiece.
03/28/2005 Turgid (5): Kudoze.
07/1/2005 scoop (4.5): Sort of agree with qualcumm on the satire, but the writing elevates this wierd re-contextualization of the kudo somewhere in between the mesosphere of a 4 and the ionosphere of a 5.
07/3/2005 Litcube (5): This was excellent. Enjoyed portrayal of the desperately pathetic.
07/3/2005 scoop: You would know wouldn't you, Litcube. Huh? You probably have alot of "first-hand information" about that particular issue. You know what I'm sayig? Because you yourself are so desperate and pathetic! Boo-Yah!
07/3/2005 Litcube: That was the last straw. I am now leaving the Acmeshorts.
07/3/2005 Klause Muppet (5): Bye Litcube!
07/4/2005 TheBuyer (5): This is a great fucking short, too fucking bad I just caught a 5 foot fucking sturgeon. Give'er, eh. Fucking awsome. Put some house speakers on er, eh. Perfect. WooO! Give'er, ya! Nice fish. Nice. Nice fish. Good fight. Nice. Well done. %5 inches, nice fish. Ya. Hey, we're six to their three, we're kickin ass today, eh. Good day of fishin. Awright, fresh bait, fresh bowl, fresh beer, fresh luck. Any time now. Big one's comin, don't worry. Hey, I love days like this, 2, 3 hours, nothin, then, pow! TEN FOOTER ON YOU. Ya, awsome. Perfect. Ya.