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Lumbering forth at dawn to the tiresome grind of hunting and gathering, Pihcut couldn't help but wonder if his caveman wife had been faking it the prior evening.
It had been what he would have called a magical night, if Pihcut were the sort to believe in such hocus-pocus as magic. The brontosaurus was roasted to perfection and the wall paintings were especially vibrant in the natural firelight.
Foreplay had gone well enough -- Djoorka could take a smack to the chops like no other female of child-bearing age. But when mounting-time arrived, it all went sour. Those forced animal moans, punctuated by the occasional look back to see if he was done, a casual rub of the nose.
Christ, she'd really phoned it in.
Date Written: January 22, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.25
Comments:
01/30/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Uh, actually, Christ hadn't been born in caveman times. Also, um, phones hadn't been invented. Also, try, there were no brontosaurs. Please fact check your shorts before posting from now on.
01/30/2004 Craig Lewis (4): This really is almost perfect. The only problem for me was the "cafeman wife" in the first line (unnecessary exposition; the roasted brontosaurus and wall paintings would have done the trick). Incidentally, I could definitely break Djoorka off nasty -- at least two orgasms.
01/30/2004 Dylan Danko (5): Vibrancy of wall paintings, splendid!
01/30/2004 Moe-Ron (4): I agree that the only bad thing about this short is "caveman wife." Other than that, truly enjoyable.
01/30/2004 anonymous: from the author:
"caveman wife" was intended as a joke, just for the record. say it out loud, you'll see, it's real funny. ok, maybe not, but the whole point of the joke was unnecessary exposition, clumsy language.
01/30/2004 Ewan Snow: I think you guys are crazy. Caveman wife was funny.
01/30/2004 Ewan Snow: Yes, I posted that before I saw the note from the author, but I thought the only problem with the caveman wife joke is that it's in the title, and so was already given away. The first sentence is excellent. The title should have just been, "Lumbering forth at dawn..." rather than the whole sentence.
01/30/2004 Dylan Danko: Yes, "lumbering forth at dawn" works better.
01/30/2004 scoop (4): it actually made me feel nostalgic for a better, more simple time....
01/30/2004 Mr. Pony (4): The flow of the increasingly anachronistic tone is interrupted by an unexpected spike at "Brontosaurus". Was that what the author intended? If so, the author is smarter than me. Otherwise good.
01/30/2004 anonymous: from author:
i wasn't trying to make the the tone increasingly anachronistic. that, in my opinion would make it more predictable and jokey in structure, and therefore, less funny.
01/30/2004 anonymous: from the author: I hate you guys! You're comments are totally retarded! You think your cool, but your not! This short deserves five stars but you're too much of a buch of liars to admit it. I hope you're proud.
01/30/2004 senator (4): I liked the way he answers his own musing as the short progresses. She's a faker.
01/30/2004 Benny Maniacs (5): This is exactly the type of badly researched, inauthentic historical tripe we need to stear clear of. Brontosauri never coexisted with man!
01/30/2004 Ewan Snow: I really wish the author would tone down the rhetoric...
01/30/2004 Jon Matza: I'm not voting, but I think the average rating should be 3.92.
01/30/2004 anonymous: Ah, a permutation of the new anonymous cruelty that we haven't discussed. Yes, when one of the original authors writes a short he should pretend they he's Texxenstonney. Friends of the author should play along. Irony is the new black.
01/30/2004 Mr. Pony: Yeah, what's going on with that damn Brontosaurus? Really?
01/30/2004 qualcomm: from the real author, me, feldspar. i request from disney that anonymous comments marked as "from the author" that really aren't be deleted, starting with the below anonymous rant.
01/30/2004 Ewan Snow: The brontosaurus is a joke, dude. This cave man is more Fred Flintstone than bona fide homo erectus.
01/30/2004 anonymous: Feldspar, look again.
01/30/2004 anonymous: Oh, that one.
01/30/2004 anonymous: One man's rant is another man's dirge.
02/1/2004 Joseph Keith: yes...the new black!