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“Halt, Jaerrold, halt!" barked Jaerrold's Andalusian viola instructor, pronouncing his name as if it began with an "H".
"Yes, Professor Gibraltar," breathed Jaerrold.
He had flubbed the crucial arpeggio again.
"Jaerrold," said Gibraltar, laying his long, hairyhand on the boy's shoulder, "Vy is it zat ve are afrait of performink?"
"I'unno," Jaerrold shrugged.
"Coult it be zat ve feel... naket?"
"Remoof your trousers!"
Jaerrold sighed, the soles of his feet aching in remembrance of last month's disciplinary caning.
"Yes sir," he muttered, removing his orange felt hunting breeches, the ones with the built-in mesh lining.
Professor Gibraltar's eyes flashed sadistically.
"Ah! I zee... Jaerrold, how can you expect to perform vith such an insignificant length of chorizo?!"
Date Written: May 13, 2001Comments:
Average Vote: 3.5
04/28/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): This was obviously written under the influence of (the devestating but popular) crack cocaine. Why are these Spaniards affecting German accents? This might be picky, but "Andalusia" seems a little uncreative. Dali and Frank Black got to it before you. I know this is just a funny crack-head short, but it seems like warmed over the Lerpa.
04/28/2004 Benny Maniacs: My bad. This is an old short. The Lerpa has come a long way. Celebrate The Lerpa!
04/28/2004 John Slocum (4): I also raised my eyebrows at the german accent, particularly after the 'H'-pronounced 'J' in the first paragraph, but nonetheless enjoyed it and laughed. Loved the 3rd paragraph.
04/28/2004 Jon Matza: That first line has been stuck in my mind since the early days of Acme.
04/28/2004 qualcomm: and what if i told you that there is a small German expatriate community in Andalusia, a community whose influence reaches from the quays (or alternately, the keys) to the highest levels of governance? this community gained its first foothold in the days of Martin Luther, months following the Defenesration of Prague. Later, in World War II, they proved their fealty to their adoptive homeland by acting as double-agents for the Iberian Resistance Front (IRF), and providing information that led to the sinking of not fewer than three U-boats in the Straits of Gibraltar.
There, now is it funny, Maniacs? Asshole.
04/28/2004 scoop: What if I told you that comment was funnier than your short, ass hole. How'd that be?
04/28/2004 John Slocum: And, Mr. The Lerpa, what if I told you the small german expatriate community of Andalusia drinks Montilla Moriles instead of Jerez. Shove that in your fucking pipe.
04/28/2004 Jon Matza: Prague fell out of the window?
04/28/2004 John Slocum: no, the king of Check. executed people by throwing them out a window, and these executions were refered to, collectively, as 'the defenestration of prague.'
08/10/2004 TheBuyer (4): thought I voted on this before.
10/3/2004 Streifenbeuteldachs (3): Honestly, the punchline just wasn't that funny.
10/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Jaerrold should have told Professor Gibraltar that he was part food!