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“This marriage isn’t working, Otto. I want a divorce.”
“But, Lara, we’re not married. Hell, I just met you five minutes ago.”
“And we’re already fighting. This is how it starts.”
“Yeah, but you said ‘divorce’ which technically doesn’t…”
“I can’t stand this semantic bullshit any longer!”
“But what about the children?”
“Children?”
“If we have children, wouldn’t the divorce be hard on them?”
“Okay, but once they’re off to college, this marriage is over!”
“You know, to have children, one must fuck.”
“Yes, I suppose...”
“How’s about doggie-style?”
“Okay, but only for the children…Now let’s see. Okay, I’m on all fours, head down, arse up and open.”
“Ohhhhhh, that’s good, Lara.”
“But this is just for the children, right?”
“Unggghhh… ughhhnnnggggg!”
“This is for the children, right? Say it’s for the children! Say it!”
“Unggghhhh… for…the…children….unghhhh!”
Date Written: January 26, 2004
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4.3
Comments:
02/2/2004 Texxx (4): I'm embarrassed to say so, but this cracked me up.
02/2/2004 Will Disney (4): this is snow, right?
02/2/2004 scoop (5): A high-rating, but for the children, the children.
02/2/2004 Moe-Ron (4): Love the third person "one must fuck."
02/2/2004 senator (4): Beautiful. If there is a "jump the shark" part of this short, it is this line: “But what about the children?” At this point the short takes an excellent turn.
02/2/2004 anonymous (5): Well, there is the tell-tale Hurly Burly reference...
02/2/2004 Dolemite (4): "Unggghhhh" is such a versatile word.
02/2/2004 anonymous: Unghhhh....seems very comic booky, no? R Crumbish, perhaps?
02/2/2004 scoop: what r u talking about anonymous?! i thought everyone grunted "Unggghhh… ughhhnnnggggg, unghhhh," when they repeatedly insert their reproductive shaft in to a splayed specimen of womanhood. or is that just me?
02/2/2004 anonymous: From the author: "Reproductive shaft." Now that's funny!
02/2/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Isn't jumping the shark bad?
02/2/2004 anonymous: Stupid comment, Scoop. Stupid!
02/2/2004 scoop: don't call me stupid! im really sensitive about that. can't you see my comments are just as stupid/unstupid as everybody else's?
02/2/2004 senator: Yes, jumping the shark can be construed as a bad thing. However, in this case I believe it represents a positive turn in the short. I didn't see it coming, thus it was very jumping the sharkish.
02/2/2004 qualcomm (4): this is both funny and 'stirring'
02/3/2004 Mr. Pony: I'm not entirely sure, but I think the term "jump the shark" refers to the point in a TV series when some large change is made (departure of character, character suddenly played by new actor, addition of new adorable human child character, source of sexual tension neutralized, a move to UPN, etc.) that signifies, or in some case causes the show's decline into contrived self-parody, eventual loss of fan base and cancellation.
02/3/2004 Will Disney: yes, you're right pony.
02/3/2004 Dylan Danko: Pony's right
02/3/2004 Dylan Danko: So they're English or at least part of the Commonwealth?
02/3/2004 Will Disney: hmmm? why?
02/3/2004 Texxx: 'Arse.'
02/3/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Okay, I was the first anonymous, but not the second. It's not the sound, but the spelling that makes me think of R. Crumb. I wouldn't know if that's the grunt everyone with a "reproductive shaft" makes when inserting it into the "splayed specimen of womanhood." What kind of whore do you think I am?
02/3/2004 scoop: I don't know, the kind of "whore" that makes "babies."
02/3/2004 anonymous: Scoop, you blew it. The correct joke was simply, "I don't know. What kind of whore are you?" Please be advised for future reference.
02/3/2004 anonymous: yeah, that would've been funnier. scoop, you idiot!
02/3/2004 Dylan Danko: Hmmm, someone's getting nervous.
02/3/2004 Joseph Keith (5): heh hehh hehhhhhh Yes...ALL for the Children
02/3/2004 anonymous: yeah scoop, shite-and-onions. you cock-sucking derivative wannabe fucking fag. get funny, ass hole. your turning in to a real disappointment.
02/3/2004 anonymous: agreed! scoop should shut it! scoop makes way too much noise with his mouthhole! shut it, scoop!!
02/3/2004 scoop: He also sheds way too many tears from his tear hole. Poor, poor scoop.
02/3/2004 qualcomm: actually, it's spelled, nnnnng, nnnnnng
02/4/2004 Dylan Danko: For a moment there I thought this was Scoop's short the way he's getting attacked.