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"Yo, that shit is FUCKED UP, yo!" Walter said enthusiastically. He wore his favorite pair of Brooks Brothers pants - the tweed ones, which made him look like a professional golfer.
"No shit. It's like 'you wanna fuck with me? POP POP POP!' and shit." Marjory replied. She wore a tartan Burberry skirt which clashed awfully with Walter's pants, though they were both made from similar light wools.
"No but, yo - was he just like, whip it out and popped him?"
"Yup." Her Privee sole tapped the oak floor lightly. She wondered if it was yet time to take the wild boar loin from the grill
"Serious?" Walter said.
"Dead ass, yo."
"Yo that shit is fucked up, yo."
"Right?" Marjory affirmed. She languidly studied the Chateauneuf Du Pape in the decanter. Then, from out of nowhere, an instantaneous realization: their lives - her and Walters - were severely lacking in something, some deep fulfillment of some sort, something that could be achieved if they just put their lives down for a moment, just got up out of themselves and lived for some amount of time in somebody else’s shoes – any amount of time – it didn’t have to be a year - but wait, what the hell was she just thinking of? Oh fuck! - the boar! – check the boar!
Date Written: January 29, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 3.2
Comments:
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone (4): At least these biznitches know to decant a Rhone-style wizzine like Chateauneuf Du Pape. But with boar? Maybe with pheasant. Now THAT shit is fucked up. Bonus points for resisting the urge to return to the co-opted "urban" lanugage in the last paragraph, avoiding the trite A-B-A structure that informs too many of my shorts personally, and too many of the shorts on the site.
02/9/2004 Craig Lewis (3): The preppies-spittin'-mad-gangsta-lingo conceit seems a bit cheap -- and kinda banal, given that whitey-appropriation of hip-hop speak is totally commonplace -- but the short is very well written. "Though they were both made from similar light wools" is my favorite moment. I have to point out that nothing in this short is as funny as Frankenstone's comments about the wizzine.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: I'm new here but after purusing the site I noticed a short similar to this one.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: Wow, someone seems to have hijacked my account.
02/9/2004 Craig Lewis: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she-ittt! Motherfuckers be straight BITING Danko!
02/9/2004 qualcomm: danko, perhaps your roommate? i assume you stay logged onto your account on the computer in the living room.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: Yeah, I was joking there.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: I don't mind being bitten, I just think some sort of compensation is in order.
02/9/2004 qualcomm: didn't you already do this joke before? at any rate, identity theft is no laughing matter.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: Truth be told, Jon, I forgot to click the lovely anonymous box both times and successfully played it off. Oh, and don't think for a second that I wasn't waiting for you to make the identity theft comment.
02/9/2004 qualcomm: you should've said something then, shouldn't you? because i do think it for a second, danko, i do.
02/9/2004 qualcomm (3): anyway, regarding the short, 3 stars. the language is on, but do black people really wear these kinds of clothes and eat this kind of food? come on.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko (3): Aren't they supposed to be white? I like the self-help/oprah-speak of the line "put their lives down for a moment" but the clothing descriptions weren't really incorporated into the short that well. They seemed oddly tacked on in an attempt to elevate the short.
02/9/2004 qualcomm: yes, danko, they are supposed to be white.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: My bad.
02/9/2004 anonymous: I was recently at a Thai restaurant, and they had boar on the menu. So who knows where these people are from!
02/9/2004 anonymous: They are Thai! Or at least half-Thai/half-black. This short is subtle but scathing comment on the perils of Tiger Woods-style black-Siamese miscegenation.
02/9/2004 anonymous: Now it's all coming together.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza (3): Well-executed, but is there much more mileage to be gotten out of this premise? I prefer
Kornfeld.
02/9/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: I could be wrong here, but isn't Burberry usually one kind of plaid? It's the beige/red/black combination . And if it's not always that kind of plaid, then it's almost always that kind of plaid. And that's not tartan. I know it seems picky, but I think it's important if the reader is to get a visual sense of what's going on. Neither of these would be made of a light wool similar to a tweed, though they would clash, most certainly. I hope this has been educational.
02/9/2004 anonymous: Despite the .2 advantage, I think I like the Danko short better. I think the straight forward punchline works better. I'm also quite fond of Danko's ineptitude with the anonymous box. It's quite charming.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: I'm blushing. Wait, are you a lady??
02/9/2004 anonymous: A gentleman never asks, a lady never tells.
02/9/2004 anonymous: Yeah, Dylan's totally hot when he fumbles with the little checkbox.
02/9/2004 Phony Millions: You all need to get laid.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: Ok, at least one of you is a guy which is totally gross! ...And upsetting