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Chuck Spasnowski, a warlock out of Queens, choked down some Sanka and kissed his stupid wife goodbye.

He merged beautiful onto the BQE and thought about the Somalian kid he’d adopted last night on television. How was that little fucker supposed to live on 52 cents a day, anyway? Chuck hoped he didn’t have to write back to him when the kid mailed him his letter of scraping gratitude.

Chuck had lots of other stuff on his mind, too, not least of which was those new spells he had to remember for tonight’s coven. Those cunts who headed up the Queens County chapter weren’t even hot. He found it nearly impossible to masturbate about them without changing their faces and weight in his mind’s eye.

Since none of that negative shit got him anywhere though, Chuck went over some of the zingers he could’ve used on Jerry Springer when he disrespected Satan.

Date Written: March 30, 2002
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 3.3333

03/30/2002 anonymous (1):
04/9/2003 Ewan Snow (5): All time great. Perfect first several sentences.
02/10/2004 scoop (4): Brilliant. The only thing that sticks in my craw is the invocation of Springer. His name seems to regularify the short in a bad way, unlike the invocation of Sanka, which regularifies it in a geniusish type way.
04/28/2004 qualcomm: for future reference, when this comes up as an historical short, i'd like to point out that this short was written before "About Schmidt"
04/28/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: About Schmidt had warlocks?!?