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"Don't infantilize me," Mitzi was always saying.

Course, early on in the relationship she sure sang a different tune. She was all, "Infantilize me, Todd, infantilize me hard!" and "Mmmm, I want you to infantilize me right here in the bathroom, until I bleed out of my stupid, stinky infanthole when next I go poop!"

Then I would maneuver my infantilizer up her dunny, infantilizing her, just like she asked.

Yeah, things sure were different before 9/11.

Date Written: February 07, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 3.875

02/17/2004 Will Disney: your infantilizer, huh? ha
02/17/2004 anonymous (4): Saved by the last line.
02/17/2004 Ewan Snow (3): This stretches its lonely single joke, the word, "infantilize," further than it can reasonably be expected to go. The last sentence is a joke I've heard many times before.
02/17/2004 Phony Millions: Yeah but it's kind of funny...I'm not sure. I like putting the whole pre/post 9/11 joke in the context of infantilism.
02/17/2004 qualcomm: yeah, withholding vote for the nonce... thinking...
02/17/2004 Jon Matza (4): Got a hearty chortle out of me.
02/17/2004 Phony Millions: What is 'for the nonce', Feldy - an anglicism? I want to be like you.
02/17/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): Nasty, nasty man.
02/17/2004 qualcomm: yeah, 'san anglicism, yeah.
02/17/2004 Mr. Pony: 'Anglicism'? I want to be like both of you.
02/17/2004 Phony Millions: Like Jamie Oliver-cism, Anthony Burgess, or the Bard himself? What's the a-a-a-aesthetic? It has a certain sentiment.
02/17/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): I think it's funny. I know it's just one joke, but the short isn't that long, for shit's sake. What, you can't sit through a couple of lines of "infantalize" until the pay off? Plus, "dunny" is a good word. And the venacular: "She was all...." is funny. I think the 9/11 thing is used well, too. It could have been abused, misused, but it wasn't.
02/17/2004 qualcomm: it's the bard, dude. who's jamie oliver?
02/17/2004 Phony Millions (4): It's also wonderfully short. I'm liking the jocular tone more as I reread it - 'Mitzi was always saying', 'then I wold maneuver...' It's got a past tense thing that's casual and sounds like speech. Four stars.
02/17/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Jamie Oliver is the naked chef, feldy.
02/17/2004 Phony Millions: thank you jimson. Feldy's too highbrow for that kind of stuff.
02/17/2004 senator (4): Good one. Well done.
02/17/2004 Dylan Danko: Boy do I hate Jamie Oliver!
02/17/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: You just don't appreciate the sweet, just-off-the-moors blush of his cheek. Or perhaps you're just jealous.
02/17/2004 Ewan Snow: Those are both good theories, Jimson.
02/17/2004 Dylan Danko: Those are both right but it's also the fake cockney accent and the phoney ladishness.
02/17/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: You would have seemed like a bigger man if you had left it at "Those are both right." Now you're over justifying your position.
02/17/2004 Dylan Danko: No, that's Feldspar you're thinking of. I really don't like J.O. for those very reasons.
02/17/2004 Ewan Snow: Which do you prefer, his fake cockney accent, or your fake American one?
02/17/2004 qualcomm: uhhh... feldspar over-justifies his positions, not me. i just bring third parties into arguments as a cheap diversion. uhhh....
02/17/2004 Dylan Danko: Nice one, Ewan! I'll have to think about it.
No, Feldspar, that wasn't a cheap ploy. I really did think she'd made an error since you really do over-justify your positions. Everyone's talking about it. So, I just wanted to correct her.
02/17/2004 Ewan Snow: I really don't think this conversation is relevant to the short. Perhaps it should be continued on the Message Board.
02/17/2004 qualcomm: uhhh... everyone's talking about it... i have my thumb on the pulse of the acme community... [uhhhhh]
02/17/2004 Dylan Danko: Oh, i get it! Those are groans!
02/17/2004 qualcomm: uhhhh.
02/17/2004 Craig Lewis: For the record, I like Jamie Oliver. For one thing, he's cute as a button, and I'll bet he gives great head. More importantly, he's at the vanguard of a movement that has raised culinary standard's in Danko's native Blighty such that it is possible to go over there eat something other than eel rarebit on a buttered bap. Plus, he's a true do-gooder -- he's spent his money on more than just that sexy little rock star haircut. In, short, I'm gay -- very gay -- for Jamie Kennedy, and I suspect that Danko is just engaging the British sport of reflexively dissing anyone who's successful. Incidentally, I thought this short was just ok. I liked the punchline, got bored with infantilizing.
02/17/2004 Dylan Danko: Jamie Kennedy? Don't you mean Kennedy from MTV?
02/17/2004 Craig Lewis: No, I mean Rose Kennedy, Kennedy Clan matriarch. She gave me a sweet reacharound one time in Hyannis.
02/17/2004 Phony Millions: Lewis, Jamie's been getting a little plump lately - still find him hot?
02/17/2004 Craig Lewis: Evans: more bounce to the ounce.
03/3/2004 cuntry (5): this is brilliant. bravo. kudos. {golf clap}