home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


His grandfather leaned over from his hospital bed. “I used to sail the big seas, I did. I ate Vitamin C, goddammit. And now I’m dying of the Big C.”

“What’s that, grandpa?”

“It’s cancer, you idiot. In my balls, no less.”

“Anything else, grandpa?”

“With a C? Uhhh, no, I don’t think so. Well – there’s cunt. I always liked cunt. That starts with a C.”

“Anything else, grandpa?”

“Jesus Christ! Isn’t that enough for you, you little shit?”

Date Written: February 10, 2004
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4.1

02/19/2004 anonymous (4):
02/19/2004 Phony Millions: Disney?
02/19/2004 Jon Matza (4): For those who didn't understand this short, sailors often ate citrus fruit because the vitamin C prevented scurvy; hence the term "Limey".
02/19/2004 anonymous: Good explanation, Jon!
02/19/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): yeah, thanks. We always look to you for expertise on everything. Cute short.
02/19/2004 qualcomm (4): tee hee
02/19/2004 Dylan Danko (4): Hows about Coon?
02/19/2004 anonymous: yeah, or cooter, or chooch.
02/19/2004 Texxx (4): If he's a sailor, how about chlamydia?
02/19/2004 Will Disney: Or Crabs or the Clap. Or HPV or Genital Warts or heck, whatever!
02/19/2004 scoop (4): Or Christmas! What about Christmas?! It starts with C too. All those wonderful smells, like nutmeg! And the surprises! I love surprises. Or colostomy bag! That starts with C and all those wonderful smells, like nutmeg! And the surprises...
02/19/2004 Dylan Danko: Yeah but what about Coon?
02/19/2004 anonymous (4): Shouldn't the last line have read, "Isn’t that enough for you, you little cocksucker?”??? The C theme would thus have been extended; the short would have assumed the shape of a snake eating its own tail; and we would have experienced the same sickening, intoxicating vertigo as the reader of Finnegan's Wake, who arrives at the end of Joyce's great tome only to realize that its final words --"along the" -- lead the reader directly back to its first -- "riverrun": the novel is a kind of whirling vortex -- a labyrinth of mirrors -- from which the reader, ultimately, has no escape. If you'd BOTHERED to write "little cocksucker," your short could have been like that, too, you dumb cunt!
02/19/2004 anonymous: you know, i actually about that. but then i decided against it. grandpa's out of C words.
02/19/2004 scoop: Oh I got it, anon_user_a! How about C for Coward.
02/19/2004 anonymous: actually *thought* about that
02/19/2004 Texxx: Hey anon_user_a, here's the labyrinth you desire. But not to take away from this short. This short is top-notch.
02/19/2004 Mr. Pony: And if you enjoy that, anon_user_a, you'll love Feldspar Eats a Bowl of Diarrhea!!
02/19/2004 Dylan Danko: Hey, I love you guys.
02/19/2004 Ewan Snow (4): This one's grown on me throughout the day. At first I wasn't all that crazy. Now I am all that crazy.
02/19/2004 qualcomm: wow i coulda swore this was a snowshort. guess it's a disney-job, just as evans predicted.
02/19/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Hee, hee. Scoop's funny.
02/20/2004 Dylan Danko: Of course it's Disney. Looks like Feldy's in a slump.
02/20/2004 qualcomm: yeah, i am. when evans guessed disney, i thought, sure, could be. but the exclamations of "you idiot" and "jesus christ," while universal, really rang snowish to me.
11/11/2004 John Slocum (5): Classic Disney!