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Moonbeams the ape-man leaned over his high perch, rubbing his sore balls and appraising the threat of his fellow cro-simians below. He was used to garnering laughter and, ultimately, respect from his peers with his noises and manner. Funny faces, obscene gestures, lots of “aping” of others. But somehow the tides had turned. Oh how they had turned. The shrewdness was now hooting and hollering up at him, shaking their fists, threatening. He had, perhaps, gone too far. It’s funny, he mused, how that one little improvised turn of a joke can sour an entire routine. It was a tough call though: whether or not to listen to one’s creative ego. Who knows? Maybe I’m ahead of my time, and they just aren’t ready for my brand of comedy yet. A rock flew up from the mob, ricocheting off the cliff beneath him. At some point he would have to go down. They would be waiting for him. If he had to do it over again, maybe he would tweak the bit where he crammed his balls in the ass of Treeclimber’s wife.

Date Written: February 14, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 3.4

02/23/2004 Texxx: I don't think they should punish this guy for his ambition.
02/23/2004 Jon Matza: No one comment or vote on this short, OK?
02/23/2004 Will Disney (3): i think 'moonbeams the ape' is a pretty funny name.
02/23/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: I agree with Will. It is a funny name. Moonbeams. Heh.
02/23/2004 qualcomm (3): this would have been much funnier if moonbeams were human. or at least a 2001 man-ape.
02/24/2004 Jon Matza: Sorry, I thought this was someone else's short when I made that crack. Also thought 'Moonbeams' was funny.
02/24/2004 Mr. Pony (4): That's funny, I pictured 2001 man-apes right off the bat. They're just advanced enough to give each other names. Maybe just quarter-step behind Homo sapiens sapiens. Dumb fucking monkeys.
02/24/2004 anonymous: I resent that "dumb fucking monkeys" comment.
02/24/2004 qualcomm: maniacs: thank you for taking my advice to heart. it is much funnier now.
02/24/2004 qualcomm: pony, i assumed the names came from their diane fosse observers. author?
02/24/2004 annebot (3): There is a scientific term for cramming of nuts into the ass. It is the "whoopie cannon" (invented by mark gipson). It's a behavior more frequently engaged in by the lesser apes - lemurs, orangutans, etc.
02/24/2004 Will Disney: Isn't that called 'putting the dogs in the bathtub' ?
02/24/2004 Benny Maniacs (1): Feldman - I agree - it makes it better. The name moonbeams wasn't intended as a Diane Fosse name - it was meant as an obscure satire of the ape-guy character in 2001 (in the Arthur C. Clark book) called "moon-watcher", if you give a shit. Then I gave it a twist of dumb.
02/24/2004 qualcomm: wow, so did you in fact intend them to be man-apes from the get-go, as pony surmised?
02/24/2004 Mr. Pony: That's what it was--"Moon-watcher". Also, "Moon-boy" from Devil Dinosaur.
04/26/2004 Mr. Pony: No one remembers Moon-boy. Or Devil Dinosaur. Jack Kirby's Darkest Hour. Or Brightest Shining Moment?
04/27/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: I vote for Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen for Darkest Hour/Shining Moment. I loved/hated it. Also the 2001 comic series. That sunk pretty high/rose pretty low.
04/27/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Now Kamandi....
04/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Okay, now, Kirby's 2001/Machine Man--That's nothing to shake a stick it. That stuff's real. X-51...A robot dude, alone--hunted down like an animal--just because he happens to be a government robot who thinks everything out loud...That was one of those rare moments where a thing simultaneously sums up everything good and pure and real about a genre and also sucks...that's a great moment.
04/27/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Always had a soft spot for Machine Man (except when he went against Arno Stark. That was queer) I think I liked his proto-sentinel look. I guess it was sort of a proto-Kang look as well. Hey, proto-Psychoman too. But we can both agree that the Demon is awesome, and that the Forever People kinda blow, right? Was it the inker that made Devil Dinosaur so hard to read? It just looked so rough compared to Royer's inks. Arghh, I just checked. Royer inked D.D. as well. I guess it was a rush job. Howabout those Eternals, huh?
04/27/2004 Benny Maniacs: Please speak in English, Hawaiians.
07/2/2004 TheBuyer (4): Howdy B.M.