home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


Ted-bah found that if he rotated his torso back and forth while he pinched his liver, he could take more oxygen into his bloodstream when he inhaled. It was a pretty clever trick, and he doubted that anyone else in the convention could pull it off, especially in the duck-beetle pose, as he had now been assuming for thirty-two hours.

These conventions were always peopled with humorless wafflers who were mostly concerned with the social and commercial aspects of their trade; Ashtanga, Bikram, some were even prone to bouts of Pilates, may The Spirit help them. Since these people could only think in two dimensional conformist combinations, Ted-bah liked to call them "ass-holes". Like most other people, the ass-holes failed to understand what they were doing, and did it merely because it had been approved by other people whom they respected (also usually ass-holes).

With much grace, Ted-bah quietly unraveled from his pose and exhaled. He pulled the rest of the 250 foot extension cord from his deeply relaxed anus, registering a slight popping sound. Ahhh. If they only knew what they were missing. If they only knew the real point of yoga: to distill and master the act of ignoring everybody else. If that meant flossing your digestive tract with a cord then so be it.

Ted-bah's ass-hole roommate, Leif, sat in the corner and meditated, trying in vain to ignore Ted-bah.

Date Written: February 23, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 3.6667

03/2/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): tee-hee.
03/2/2004 Will Disney: i like it but i can't rate it. it's fertile ground, certainly...
03/2/2004 qualcomm (3):
03/2/2004 scoop (4): may The Spirit help all of us.