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She was like: I don’t date bears.
He was like: You think too much.
She leaned on him -So do you. Why bring it up now?
-Because after that last sentiment, you’ve been displaying signs of overly complicated thought, whereas before you weren’t showing such alarming symptoms.
She was like: You impress me. More.
He took a breath, pleased. -It is with regret that I must confess to you that I’m unsure of the present esteem in which you regard me.
-Why are you rubbing my neck then?
-Well, I figured it would be a catalyst to whatever point we arrive at. Why are you breathing heavy?
-I’m in heat.
-Fair enough. Shall we give it a try?
-No. I don’t date bears I told you. I’m a raccoon.
-I’m a Panda bear. Some scientists think we’re closely related. We can work it out.
She was like: A, we’re not and B, if anyone found out I’d never live it down.
And thus, once more, two species were denied the fair chance at starting a family – all under the species-prejudice of the current DNA system.
*Note: at no point in this short did I ever use the word “said” “says” or use quotes. And as we all know, animals communicate through gestures, expressions, and unspoken glances. These mammals used mental telepathy. See now, asshole?
Date Written: February 29, 2004Comments:
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 3.1818
03/4/2004 Ewan Snow (3): Good openeing sentences and premise, but no laughs for me. Also, what's up with "disparity"? Am I missing something, is it a joke, or just the wrong word?
03/4/2004 Jon Matza (5): 3 1/2; was amused by "-" style of quotes, "he was like", 1st line and footnote. + 1/2 for cronyism purposes.
03/4/2004 Jon Matza: I swear I chose 4 stars. Even checked that time. Disney, what's happening here?
03/4/2004 Benny Maniacs (1): The forces of literary justice work in mysterious ways.
03/4/2004 Will Disney (3):
03/4/2004 qualcomm (2): sucks, through and through.
03/4/2004 scoop (2): yeah.
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko (2): Oy vey!
03/4/2004 qualcomm: i bet matza would have withheld his vote if texxx were still an author.
03/4/2004 Jon Matza: Yeah, well, I guess I don't have a completely objective, unbiased system of voting like you.
03/4/2004 Ewan Snow: No, if Texxx were still here, Matza might have tried to withhold his vote, but would've ended up given it a five by accident.
03/4/2004 Jon Matza: All I know is, you two are getting robbed.
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: what are they being robbed of?
03/4/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Their opportunity to experience the genius of Matza's rating prowess which only fully realizes itself when Texxx is part of the author pool.
03/4/2004 Jon Matza: I'll admit that Texxx' departure and not having to read his shorts & comments has put me in a good mood & I may have been overrating shorts in the last 48 hours as a result. Everything suddenly seems well-written...
Jimson: re latest post, aside from sarcasm I can't discern the actual point being made. Honest. Please spell out in more direct, less poetic syllables/phonemes.
03/5/2004 Mr. Pony (4): I've always wondered if there was a joke in the close relationship between raccoons and pandas. Also, the tyranny of biology thing is funny to me. This is the kind of thing I find funny.
03/6/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (3): I was answering Danko's question. That's all. Perhaps it wasn't the right answer? I thought I was only restating what Ewan and Feldspar had said earlier in a more general way.
Incidentally, I don't think that you overrated this. I kind of like it. I didn't laugh out loud, but I thought it was cute. That sounds like an insult, but I don't mean it to be. I'm giving it a three to help you out with your error, Matz. Also because I'm at a loss as to how to rate this. The rating system doesn't work for me. It's like any two things that are remotely similar are automatically put on the same level in my hierarchy.
04/5/2004 mr.coffee (4): I like the last line....
"all under the species-prejudice of the current DNA system."
Seems appropriate in this day and age of Bush!
05/22/2004 TheBuyer (3):
03/31/2005 Templeton Dink (4):