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This guy, he’s on drugs! Why? Because he can afford them? Because he was abused by his parents!

This red carpet – it’s giving off bad karma. There was child labor involved, right? No, there wasn’t. It’s union made – union made.

These two are dating! But it’s still sad, somehow!

Let’s see here – a lump in my left breast – let’s see. The sun beating down on me. The red carpet! You’re going to die, do you understand? You’ll die. And you’ll never win this award. GODDAMMIT DO YOU HEAR ME?

Date Written: February 29, 2004
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 3.5

03/4/2004 qualcomm (4): ha
03/4/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): I think the short is better when you see the title. Can't it show on the same page?
03/4/2004 qualcomm: i must disagree. the title makes it worse.
03/4/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: somehow I knew you would.
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: Jimson's so right about you, Feldy. So fucking obvious. I can't decide on this one yet.
03/4/2004 qualcomm: did you stop and consider that i might be right before belching out your scotchy attack, you contrarian immigrant?
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: of course i did. I happen to think the title doesn't make much difference. Who's the contrarian???
03/4/2004 Ewan Snow (3): Well, the title sort of explains it, which isn't needed. Jimson, you usually hate explanatory stuff, no? Yeah, Danko, I'd wait on voting until Lewis votes if I were you so you can find out what you think. Sorry, buddy, but I couldn't resist. As for the short, I like it okay as a friend, but I'm not attracted to it, hence three.
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: I don't have to wait for Lewis. I think the opposite of Feldy. Always! ...or is it vice versa.
03/4/2004 qualcomm: opposite of truth and justice, danko.
03/4/2004 Will Disney (4): yay 4 stars
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: those are just ideas, jon, and as such, I own them.
03/4/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Yeah, I don't like the title for its explanatory quality, I like it for its silliness. Silliness always wins out for me.
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: Fuck, still waiting for Lewis.
03/4/2004 Craig Lewis (3): There go, Danko. Vote away. (Note: I followed Snow's lead on this one.)
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko (3): I don't know. I think the Oscar thing has been done before which would have been ok if not there the absence of the joyceian epiphany. Hmm...3 stars!
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: "if not for" damn!
03/4/2004 scoop: Can someone please tell me how to vote so I seem intelligent and while still retaining my individulaity?
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: Sure Scoop. Take off your pants. Lie down on your back and pull your legs up over your shoulders as far as they can go buddy. Put your hands behind your ass and start pushing. Then...
03/4/2004 scoop: But then I'd just be ripping you off, Danko.
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko: Dude have you seen the size of my fucking belly! I wish i could do that!
03/4/2004 scoop: So does your [censored]!
03/5/2004 scoop (4): Would've been stronger without the over-explaining title. But I'll still give it 4. Because its unstable and funny. But more importaantly because Feldspar gave it a 4, and we're copulating now so whatever he votes...
03/5/2004 Mr. Pony: If I give it a four, can I get in on some of that action?