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Chesterton’s name for his cat was Chesterton. At first he wasn’t sure about the name of his cat, because it could be taken as narcissistic (and surely, this was the last impression he wanted to give to his peers), as he was a fairly handsome young man who was sensitive about his appearance and self-conscious about his sensitivity. But he felt that the wittiness in the name out-weighed its vainglory; thus he named the cat Chesterton.
One night Chesterton (short haired domestic) was watching the Oscars with his master, when suddenly the cat began to spasm. Its body began to contract and lurch with tongue-lolling dry-heaves. These were the tell tale signs of oncoming vomit, and the position of the cat was such that the vomit was destined for Chesterton’s couch. Here Chesterton was in a bind; would he get up and miss what Charlize Theron was about to say, go fetch a paper towel, and attempt to intercept the cat vomit? Or would he continue to watch, thus completing his plans of having interesting views about the Oscars. On one hand his colleagues and peers often discussed the Oscars, and Charlize’s speech would certainly prove interesting social fodder. But by that same token his couch was an older Eames model which he had paid over three thousand five hundred dollars for. Furthermore, the cushion covers were virtually irreplaceable.
Without further ado, Chesterton responded with, for perhaps the first time in his life, a coolheaded and dashing calculation of physical instinct: he back-handed the retching animal, leveling it onto the easily cleaned hard-wood floor.

Date Written: March 01, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote:

03/1/2004 qualcomm (4):
03/1/2004 Will Disney (3): okay okay
03/1/2004 scoop (4): torn on this one -- its too long to get to a good punchline -- but it is a good punchline so what the hell 4!
03/1/2004 Craig Lewis (4): Very well-written. "Short haired domestic" = excellent use of parenthesis.
03/1/2004 Ewan Snow (2):
03/1/2004 Jon Matza (4): If he had that much time to think it through, couldn't he just picked C up and put him on the floor? Like it in spite of this outrageous flaw, though. Nice little setup.
03/1/2004 Benny Maniacs (1): This one fails to give me wood.