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"I've just trained my gigantic boner ray on the city of Poopopolis," Har-Dahn of Planet Kok announced over the airwaves. "And I shall use it, unless you empty every sperm bank in the city and have it delivered to my secret, salami-shaped hideout!"

Then Har-Dahn started jacking off, right there on national television!

"Not so fast, cock-tease!" cried Captain Assmunch, patron superhero of Poopopolis, the largest metropolitan center on the eastern seaboard of The United Fucks of Cuntry.

On his trademark rope made out of 100% genuine hemmorhoids, Captain Assmunch swung into wherevere it was Har-Dahn was transmitting from. His feet smacked into Har-Dahn's temple, killing him instantly.

"Dude," said the United of Fucks of Cuntry's president, Melville Douchebag (who was watching the whole thing via assy satellite), "You didn't have to kill him."

Date Written: April 24, 2002
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 5

04/24/2002 anonymous (5):
01/16/2004 scoop (5): five dark stars that is. dirty pennies? poop chute? taking the downtown train to retor street? butt holes? anuses?
02/28/2004 Mr. Pony (5): When I first read this short, I thought it was stupid. I thought Feldspar was stupid. Now that I've accepted Acme into my heart, I think it's great! I think Feldspar is great! Hallelujah!
05/14/2004 TheBuyer (5): i can't believe I laughed all the way through that
07/6/2004 John Slocum (5): Allow me.
10/18/2004 Dylan Danko (5): I've been re-reading Summer. I promise to re-read everyone.
10/18/2004 Ewan Snow (5): I laughed out loud at "On his trademark rope made out of 100% genuine hemmorhoids..."
10/18/2004 Dylan Danko: I also like how awkward "United of Fucks of Cuntry" is.
12/3/2004 CrazyGuy: You are a very nasty person, qualcomm. Very nasty. I suppose you enjoy festering in inappropriate material, don't you. If any other members of the acme community have had issues with qualcomm, please speak out. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
12/3/2004 qualcomm: wait! no! they got to this one too! this used to be about my friend Jesus! listen guys, fun's fun, but please put back my original short. crazyguy, help!
12/3/2004 Litcube: Guy, you're CUh-rAYzee!
12/3/2004 CrazyGuy: You must think I'm some kind of fool. Please refrain form engaging me in further conversation.
12/3/2004 qualcomm: i swear to Jesus i didn't write this. it was probably that Lerpa character, or maybe Ol' Summer Sausage. they're always playing tricks on me. they filled my yarmulke with peas and carrots once!
12/3/2004 CrazyGuy: PLEASE REFRAIN!
12/14/2006 scoop: Joyous. Spiritual. A celebration.
07/26/2011 Marvin_Bernstein (5): I am indeed proud of you young man