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“Hey, Crackers, why are you squatting down there with my keepsakes?”

“Is it true what dad said about last summer?”

“Depends on if he was lying or not.”

“About frenching Bobby in the mudroom?”

“No, we…”

“What do you do, mark your territory?”

“It’s just, we…”

“Are you like a bear or dog or some other territorial animal that has to…”

“You said that already, Crackers. But that wasn’t why I frenched Bobby in the mudroom, ok? You can’t imagine how tender he was, Crackers. I couldn’t-- No! Crackers, put those down. Please stop piddling on my keepsakes, Crackers.”

Date Written: March 16, 2004
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 3.1667

03/22/2004 Will Disney: i guess i don't really understand this one. author, why is this funny?
03/22/2004 qualcomm: i can see the funny, but the short is highly confusing. lerpa processing.
03/22/2004 scoop: Yeah. I'm reluctant to rate because I think it's over my head.
03/22/2004 anonymous: Really? I thought it spoke for itself. Anyway, a quick explanation: Crackers, who for no apparent reason, keeps accusing the other character of marking her territory, is involved in some territorial pissing of her own, if that helps. If thought it was clear, but I guess not. Or maybe it just needed more space between the lines!
03/22/2004 qualcomm: you can't name a girl Crackers!
03/22/2004 anonymous: I meant "I thought it was clear..."
03/22/2004 Jon Matza (3): I don't get this either, even w/the author's gloss. Sorry, friend. 2 1/2 + 1/2 for keepsakes.
03/22/2004 anonymous: Ha! Why not? Is Crackers a boy's name? Is that what's confusing?
03/22/2004 scoop (2): There's a fine line between alluring inscrutability and just plain confusing. A line, I fear, this short crossed.
03/22/2004 anonymous: Wow, I never would have guessed people would be confused by this. Seriously, what’s not clear about it? Maybe I’m missing something.
03/22/2004 qualcomm: i for one couldn't keep track of who was talking
03/22/2004 anonymous: Should I add attributions?
03/22/2004 Jon Matza: I second the Lerpa. Plus a) it took me a few tries to grasp that it wasn't dad who frenched bobby; b) the fact that crackers is pissing, yet accusing the other of being territorial remains confusing; and c) "...that wasn’t why I frenched Bobby in the mudroom". What wasn't why?
03/22/2004 qualcomm: c) she didn't french bobby for territorial reasons
03/22/2004 anonymous: Okay, Matza, I guess this was more cryptic than I thought. Crackers and the other speaker are sisters, as implied by Crackers referring to "dad." I guess to make it clear that the other sister was the one who frenched Bobby (and not dad), I should have had Crackers say "About you frenching Bobby..." As for point C, the other sister is saying that she didn't french Bobby to mark her territory, as Crackers is accusing her of. The implication is that Crackers had been sweet on Bobby, that Crackers thought that her sister was frenching him to mark her territory. Where she gets this idea isn’t explained, though perhaps the sister has a history of poaching Crackers' boyfriends.
03/22/2004 scoop: When I read the opening line in the queue, I thought it was a blck guy/girl staring down at a bunch of white people (presumably in business suits) urinating on his/her keepsakes in a trough of some kind. But that's sort of neither here nor there.
03/22/2004 anonymous: Um...Okay.
03/22/2004 anonymous: Ah, I see, scoop. Crackers.
03/22/2004 Jon Matza: Thank you, author. I do get it now; apologies for slowness on the uptake. Good yarn.
03/22/2004 qualcomm: i fucking hate keepsakes and i'm glad they're covered in urine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
03/22/2004 anonymous: Thanks, Matza. I thought I was losing my mind there for a second, but I guess this short could have been clearer if so many people were confused. The Lerpa, I couldn't agree more.
03/22/2004 anonymous: boo, hiss.
03/23/2004 Mr. Pony (3): Why is she named Crackers? Has this been covered already?
03/23/2004 Ewan Snow: You'd have to ask her daddy.
05/19/2004 Mr. Joshua (4): I couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on either, but I still laughed pretty hard.
05/22/2004 TheBuyer (3): I got it right away, what do I win?
08/13/2004 TheBuyer: I still get this.
08/13/2004 Ewan Snow: Then why did you give it a three? asshole.
08/13/2004 qualcomm (4): great guest short.
08/13/2004 Ewan Snow: mulp.
08/13/2004 Ewan Snow: You're just jealous because my outsider status gives me way more street cred than you inside-the-beltway, business as usual, mainstream, mass-market motherfuckers!