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Ewan gazed at the sunset from the window in the youth hostel in Brussels. "Honey, come here. It's so beautiful. I'm so goddamn happy right now. I mean, I'm in the moment, you know? I'm taking stock of the fact that I'm happy, being happily aware that I'm happy. This is the first time in my life that I really -"

"Shut up and fetch my deodorant, you lummox," said Jimson. She was resigned to the fact that they weren't going to Turkey after all, but still upset. On their arrival at Kennedy airport, Ewan surprised her by announcing that their honeymoon was going to take quite a different course: It would be, as Ewan would describe it, a kind of 'tribute' to the last "EuroTour" that Ewan had made with his high school big band in 1990. They would hit all the same cities and try to stay in the same accommodations.

A week earlier at the airport, Ewan explained things to Jimson, who was quietly crying. "Babe, I thought you'd like this. You know how important that last trip to Europe I took with the big band was. It was life-changing for me - I learned so much about myself. I shared so many experiences with the guys in the bus. It was a real cultural eye-opener, too, mind you - you know, what really impressed me is how civilized those kids were that we stayed with. I mean, they really knew how to control their drinking. You see, if alcohol isn't a taboo, then it's not such a big deal to be drinking. It's not like, 'Hey dude, let's get wasted!' That really hit me, damnit."

Ewan became excited as they walked to the gate for Düsseldorf. "You'll see," he said. Jimson could hear in his voice that he was salivating a bit, the spit smacking on his lips, which always happened when he spoke about something he was passionate about. She felt a lump in her throat, and began to weep outright.

"Baby, just hang in with me. I promise this is going be real special. The first stop is going to be for two days. We're going to stay with a wonderful family in an industrial town about 50 kilometers outside of Düsseldorf, called Krefeld. Frau and Herr Myerson are waiting for us. You see, I stayed with them when I was on Euro. They're so cool! Mrs. Myerson makes great spaghetti..."

Jimson began to wail inconsolably.

Now they were in Brussels and Ewan was explaining to Jimson how it was back then when they stayed at this same youth hostel.

"Well, the first night, we were all, like, hyper, you know, because we had been drinking coca-cola in the bus for four hours! And then, finally, we all started to fall asleep. But then, suddenly, right there, on that bed," he paused and realized she wasn't looking. "Will you look, damnit? I'm trying to tell you a story! Jesus! You're so insensitive..."

Jimson looked where Ewan was pointing, expressionless, her face white as a sheet with horror. Ewan was completely oblivious to her mood, and continued, gaining momentum. "Anyways, all of the sudden, out of nowhere, just as I was falling asleep, Jason Bridges let out the hugest, stinkiest fart! Oh God, it was so stinky, we all said at the same time, 'Ewe Jaaason, that was soooo gross!!!' And then we all started laughing together. We stayed up for another half hour laughing together! It was so stinky! Stinky stinky stinky." Ewan began a nonsense tune, repeating the word 'stinky' over and over, skipping around the room like a deranged child...

Later that night, when Jimson had finally quietly cried herself to sleep, Ewan awoke her suddenly, poking her in the shoulder.

"Honey, you know what tomorrow is? Tomorrow we go into the BierGarden and you get to see where I went to 'second base' with Samantha Prell!" He giggled mischeivously...

Date Written: July 06, 2002
Author: Phony Millions
Average Vote: 3

07/6/2002 anonymous (1):
07/6/2002 anonymous (1):
07/9/2003 Will Disney: has anyone else noticed that this motherhumping short is over 650 words long?
12/1/2003 Dylan Danko (5): If I were Brad i'd be suspicious about this short's low rating. I laughed my ass off.
12/1/2003 qualcomm: yeah this is very good. you don't even need to know the in-jokes to get it.
04/6/2004 Will Disney: what don't you understand, bababababaab?
06/17/2004 John Slocum (5): I learned so much about myself reading this.