home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
– Cindi? It’s Suzi.
– Oh my God! Hi!
– Hi. Listen, I’m calling about that guy? Fitzy? The one you set me up with?
– Uh huh?
– Well, I went out with him last night?
– Yeah? Oh my God! How was it? Isn’t he fabulous?!
– Well, we went out to Chez Marcel?
– Oh my God, that’s where he took me too! That place is so delish!
– Then we went parking? At the lake?
– Oh my God, that’s where we went too! Isn’t he fabulous?
– We started kissing? Then he was like, touching me all over?
– Then I was, like, uncomfortable? So I was like, ‘Fitzy, stop!’
– Oh my God, me too, that’s what I was like!
– And he wouldn’t stop! He tore off my panties and shoved them in my mouth, so like I couldn't yell? He raped me!
– Oh my God, me too! Isn't he fabulous?
Date Written: March 30, 2004Comments:
Average Vote: 3.8
04/5/2004 mr.coffee (5): Awesome...Makes "Sweet valley high" so very a-propos!
04/5/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Good one.
04/5/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Makes you wonder why Cindi ever let a catch like Fitzy go!
04/5/2004 scoop (5): It looks like someone got an "uh-oh" touch!
04/5/2004 Moe-Ron (4):
04/5/2004 Cabot (3): Pony - this is true misogny! These chicks don't even have the athletic ability to play (women's) basketball. A little...I don't know...anticlimactic.
04/5/2004 Mr. Pony: I agree, Cabot! These women totally suck! Are you angling for the bounty I've placed on the Lerpa's error? Because you're so close!
04/5/2004 anonymous: i think it's really terrible what fitzy did to these women, and even worse, what society did by taking away their rights. namely, their right to choose to not enjoy being raped.
04/5/2004 Cabot: Well, Knob Creek does sound tempting.
04/5/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): I saw this one lumbering down the street from rather a long distance.
04/5/2004 anonymous: i somehow doubt that.
04/5/2004 Craig Lewis (3): I'm with Benny. Saw it coming, and it wasn't very funny when it arrived. Crummy punctuation, too.
04/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Does the right to free speech and thought automatically disqualify and limit any criticisms of said speech and thought?
04/5/2004 anonymous: yes.
04/5/2004 mr.coffee: I'm with Author..How did you see it lumbering from a distance? It could've gone in any direction.
04/5/2004 anonymous: Thaaaaat's stuuuupid, auuuthor!! I agreeeeee with Pooooony's point!! Heeee's verrry smaaaaart!!
04/5/2004 anonymous: lewis, re punctuation, i hope you're not referring to my intentional over-question-markization, which is intended to reflect certain questiony speech patterns.
04/5/2004 anonymous: but seriously pony, what the hell are you getting at?
04/5/2004 scoop: I wanna change my vote to a 7.5 to compensate for all these ridiculous threes. Can I do that?!
04/5/2004 anonymous: yes.
04/5/2004 Mr. Pony: I like the punctuation. It's just more mechanical than grammatical.
04/5/2004 Jon Matza (4): Punctutation can be extremely beautiful, like a poem, a songbird or a rainbow.
04/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Okay, here's a question then, Matza--In your post, should there have been a comma between the words 'songbird' and 'or'?
04/5/2004 anonymous: Not necessary, Pony. It's a matter of choice with the last two members of a list.
04/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Yes, that's what I've heard, pointlessly anonymous anon_user_b. But doesn't the omission of the last comma (the one between the second-to-last item and the 'and' or 'or' preceding the final item) actually create some sort of link between the last two members of the list? Doesn't that comma mean something? I guess that's what I'm asking.
04/5/2004 Cabot: In this case, I think it's just a preference. I think it links the two together if there were another item afterward. For instance: 'poem, cardinal or nightingale, or rainbow.' Then you have to insert that last comma for the sake of grammar. That was me earlier - trying to avoid the appearance of pedantry (as if it weren't already rampant here).
04/5/2004 Mr. Pony: Ah. I don't think we even have a word for this "pedantic" thing you speak of. So in your example, cardinal and nightingale are interchangeable items in the list. The list, which is an OR system to begin with, has the additional option of subbing one bird for the other. Okay. I was trying to come up with an example of a simple list where a final comma usefully separated the final two items [i.e. spiders, crabs, and firearms] but was unable to think of any list where the distinction actually meant anything. Stupid words! Behave like Lego!
04/5/2004 Cabot: Maybe that comes into play for clauses, not individual nouns. Although again, that would be for the sake of length, and maybe not clarity (the dog barking, the person yelling, and the vagrant mumbling, e.g.). Or maybe it is for the sake of distinction. I don't know.
04/5/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: I agree with Pony. That "or" in the Matzaspeak is very un Lego. Why doesn't one write "poem or a songbird or a rainbow." Or "poem,songbird,or rainbow." Nothing seems to look correct when written, yet the least correct grammatically sounds the best when spoken out loud. What is the what with that?
04/6/2004 Mr. Pony: Well, they mean different things. Unless they don't.
04/22/2004 Dylan Danko (3): Missed this one but must agree with Benny and Lewis. Samuel Morse would be proud.
04/22/2004 qualcomm: wait, i never did get a straight answer on this. danko, you actually foresaw the surprise that Cindi deliberately set Suzi up with a rapist because she (Cindi) liked being raped? at what point was that very specific ending obvious?
04/22/2004 Dylan Danko: No. It was obvious that something like that would happen. Something bad that the idiot on the other end of the phone would consider great. When it turned out to be rape, I was like, wheeee! I much prefer this one of The Lerpa's rapist shorts though a point off for ripping off the broken teeth thing from this one.