home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


Barry, wife Lynne, and daughter Dawn were all sitting around the dining room table stuffing food up their asses.

"Where's your brother?" Lynne asked Dawn.

Dawn rolled her eyes, "Oh gross, I bet he's up there masticating."

Later that week, son Jack brought a girl home to meet the family.
"Mom, dad, we're gonna have a baby," Jack said firmly.
Lynne was concerned, "Will you marry?"
"No," said Jack, "We're gestating."

Date Written: April 27, 2004
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 4

05/3/2004 Will Disney: Strong opening sentence.
05/3/2004 anonymous (3): I have been trying to work that into a conversation for a month, Thank You AcxmeShorts for realising my dream.
05/3/2004 anonymous: Nothing? What a letdown.
05/3/2004 John Slocum (4): I liked this although I can't decide if it makes sense. Many of my favorite shorts here don't make a lick of sense, but then they don't necessarily try to. This one here seems to be a short that is trying to make sense. There's a symmetry above the line - the family at the table where they should be masticating are shoving things in their assesl, while jack (I assume) is upstairs where he should be shoving things in his ass but is masticating. I thought that was funny. Problems below the line. Inclined to 3 stars, but an extra one because this is better than not having anyone vote on it.
05/3/2004 scoop (4): I think a major flaw is the use of the word "ass". Yes, that's right ass. Everything else is scientific--masticating, gestating-- so the invocation jars the tone in a bad way I think. But I like the break in the narrative and the shift to next week. And what SLow-Cum said about the making sense thingy.
05/4/2004 TheBuyer: I used asses because I after playing with phrases including, but not limited to:
-were pushing turkey into their rectums
-cramming stuffing into their anuses
-packing their assholes with goodies from the blender[I like that one, actually]
I thought that stuffing food up their asses was more of the opposite of masticating and made the pun funnier.
Yes John, this short does make sense if you read it out loud. Masticating sounds enough like masturbating [hardee-har-har, I know but I DID give it three] and gestating sounds enough like just dating.
05/4/2004 John Slocum: aha, now that's funny and I'm a big dummy for not getting it. Seriously.
05/4/2004 TheBuyer: Better now huh?
No told-you-so or editorial implied, I'm glad these jokes were not wasted.
05/4/2004 TheBuyer: ...packing their assholes with goodies from the blender...I almost want to go back
06/14/2004 Pix (4):
01/24/2005 Pusher Robot: UNF UNF UNF UNF
01/24/2005 Litcube (4): PFffffft... PFfffft...
01/25/2005 Daphne: The first half was funny. The second half, not so much! I wish I knew why.
01/31/2005 Cyrus (4):