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Jessica did a 360 degree stallie on the stripper pole, picked her tongue up off the carpet and poured more drinks.
One more shot of Cuervo Gold.
That's what you get.
The warmest hug of your life, oozing putrid spinal fluid, and the rare chance to hear, "Charlene, fucking windex this thing it's crusty I just lost a finger on it. I hate it when it's crusty, I can't do a proper flip."
At the same time we're breaking up with the internet girlfriend, munching on a bowl of teenager eyeballs. "It's the distance that I can't handle," I lie, stroking my once delicious brain "I just can't commit to that kind of travel time."
It hasn't been the same since she put the stripper pole in her apartment; it's been much better.
"Like, I'm sorry I just touched your scabby stripper pole, I want to wash my hands- fuck, I mean hand. Fuck." Pebbles said as her dainty wrist gave way and her hand thudded to the floor.
Jessica lurched ahead of her, "Wait, I'm gonna take a piss," she groaned slamming the door behind her.
"I just want to know what we're listening to," said the Blackfoot Cree with the perfect ass to match her slight waist, and strong, sexy calves that leadinto the curve of her perfect ankles rotting on the extended couch, "That's why I'm a gemini" she said, peeling a fresh eyeball.
Internet dating is tough, I hate breaking up.

Date Written: May 16, 2004
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 2.75

05/21/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: This is so multiplayer Irie.
05/21/2004 Will Disney: i'm going to re-read this one a couple of times. i think there's something here.
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Poster-Short for Mr. Joshua's Title idea
05/21/2004 anonymous: Pony: I was just thinking that. Also I was thinking it may be wise to hide the short description by default to give the reader some credit if the joke or concept is challenging. If you want it handed to you, read SomethingAwful.com, which is very funny, but almost always completely spelled out.

Title: Zombie Internet Dating and Breaking Up
Description: A play on the phrase, "breaking up."

something like that but better? I'm busy, Pony, I swear I care though.
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Oh, my, no. I was thinking that the short description would always be hidden. No human would ever read it, ever. It would simply be meta data for Acme's internal search engine, as well as external search engines. No. I was just saying that this short would benefit from having the title (which was already visible in the queue, and in the recent shorts list) visible on the short itself. Damn, I really wish I hadn't seen your short's description! Eeew!
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony: The title I'm talking about is "zombie internet dating".
05/21/2004 anonymous: well, shit.
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Yeah, you fucking blew it.
05/21/2004 qualcomm (2): i can't tell what the hell is going on. it's like a bunch of zombies saying stuff in some room. completely fucking incoherent.
05/21/2004 anonymous: no shit, and there is a stripper pole in the apartment they're all drinking and hanging out in [like normal 20 something zombies do] and one of them is dumping some chick online and I spelled it out already earlier when I misread Pony's comment - you're like a cat staring at my finger while I'm pointing out the joke.
05/21/2004 qualcomm: i didn't read any of the comments before making mine. nevertheless, even after reading them, the writing remains sloppy as shit and doesn't serve the joke at all. i don't even get what some of your sentences mean. "That's what you get" refers to what? that's what you get for what? "we're breaking up with the internet girlfriend" -- who is 'we', and why do they later speak in the first person singular? is charlene the narrator, or does the narrator stay unnamed throughout the short? who can tell? it's like listening to a 6-year-old recount the plot of a TV show. i mean, can't you have them sitting around in the apartment doing weird stuff, but describe it all in a way that isn't infuriatingly inept?
05/21/2004 anonymous: right on the POV [incidentally this response is being written in intervals, i'm busy as hell, not cowering] that was a sloppy edit made at the last minute which also accounts for the stranded, "that's what you get" sentence.
05/21/2004 anonymous: ---more for you lerpitita; lunchbreak---

I can't know if you've ever had a group of close friends, but I'll just assume so - where I come from if a few people are all sitting around an apartment, everything turns into to "we were..." - drinking, hanging out, bullshitting, playing cards, downloading dwarf porn, listening to Paul Anka records or whatever, everything is "we were" and in this case "we were breaking up with the internet girlfriend" could have been clarified by tacking on, "over the internet" or something but I tried it, and it was clunky. I thought it would be clear that the narrator was the fly-on-wall but also part of it all. SO! - if that one point is lost on the reader, then whole fucking joke tanks and I get pissed off for not editing it better, or for assuming this is a common thing. At this point I'm not sure which it is because you're the only one who has said anything detailed so far and Pony voted opposite.
05/21/2004 qualcomm: yeah, i don't know, it's got this systemic logic error. i can't even understand the simplest thing, like how many people are in the room and who's talking to whom, and things like how being a gemini is an explanation for wanting to know what music we're listening to... wait a second, if you are who i think you are, you were drunk when you wrote this
05/21/2004 anonymous: ya, you've got me pegged, I'm fairly easy to spot [damnit, more incremental replies, fuck it, i'm goin on welfare] and not only was I drunk when I wrote this but it's a true story, all the dialogue is real, and I'm a zombie.

5 in total
-Blackfoort Cree [who we affectionately refer to as "token chug"]
-and me.
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Are you drunk now?
05/21/2004 anonymous: the dialogue is entirly incedental and you still didn't tell me if you thought the pun was funny.
05/21/2004 anonymous: Not really, pony, not yet.
05/21/2004 Ewan Snow: Puns are never funny.
05/21/2004 anonymous: I got confused, I didn't actually make one for a change, just a knee-jerk reaction I guess.
05/21/2004 anonymous: So do I get a rating?
05/21/2004 Pix (3): I give 1 star for using fuck 3 times, another star for using zombies to convery your message and I think you know what the last star is for.
05/22/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: I'm sorry, The Buyer, I agree with Lerpa. it's too hard to follow. I like zombies, drunkeness, drunken zombieness, and the Cree Nation, but this is too hard to follow. It doesn't matter that you gave all the names of the folks in the room, I can't differentiate any of them by what you give me.
05/22/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (2): And thus.
05/22/2004 TheBuyer: No apologies necessary. The entire joke was zombies break up, as in disintegrate but I didn't think it would work without some kind of situation, but Lerpa bless his cold, cold heart, pointed out the main flaw - the fucking situation didn't make any damn sense; after all that, I see his point and now will forever regret writing this very sentence because I like Pony better.
05/22/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: ???...O.K...
05/22/2004 qualcomm: pony's a man of the people
05/23/2004 Mr. Pony: The Lerpa's right, both about my universal appeal and the incoherence of this story. I guess I tended to look at it as a sort of flood of thoughts and images, and I felt this was more intentional than drunken/sloppy, giving a more expressionistic picture of the scene. I thought it kinda worked, and that I wasn't really meant to fully understand where the characters were standing and who was talking to whom. Now that I hear the Lerpa's take on it, I'm not so sure. Anyone else?
05/23/2004 scoop: Brrraaaaaiinnnnssssss...more braiiinnnnnnnnnsss...and Zima more Ziiiimmmmmaaaaaaa...ughhhhhhh....