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Ma, Ma!

What is it Petey, tell your momma what’s the matter.

Aw Ma.

Would you look at you! Come here and a’let momma a’wipe that blood from your nose. What did I tell you about rasslin’ with them boys.

But Ma. Ma, they made fun of me Ma. They said I weren’t as good as them playin’ baseball, Ma. What with my havin’ one arm and all.

Would you stop that a’fussin, Petey. Did I ever tell you the story of your one armed Great Uncle Col. Seemoan DeButchergrass?

Yeah, Ma, plenty a’times. He was in charge of the 8th Cavalry 5th Battalion. He led the charge up Blueberry Hill in the Battle of Pawtucket Crick and won the day.

Well what about the story of Thunderbolt the …

…three-legged family horse that earned a gold ribbon at the county fair in the Dusty Five Circle Race of Nineteen Ought Three. Yeah, you’ve told me that one too Ma.

Well don't they help none?

I guess Ma, but that don’t make the other fellars fun me any less.

Well what do you expect, One Armed Pete, you got one arm. You think your momma’s got a barrel of pickled arms down in the cellar? Do you?


Well, she do. But that don’t mean I can go and screw it on your socket-hole and make it stay now do it? Now quit yer yappin’ and let your momma get back to a’picklin’.

"With that One Armed Pete scampered out in the yard where the family wash dried on a clothesline baking in the late afternoon sun. He cried and cried, his little arm puppet of cinched plaid flannel shirt swayed in unison with each sob. In the kitchen, fucking pies a'cooled on the windowsill."

Date Written: May 18, 2004
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 4.375

05/21/2004 Ewan Snow: There's something I like about this one.
05/21/2004 Will Disney (5): splendid!
05/21/2004 Phony Millions: This is funny and smart! I'm between four and five. I'll check back later. I actually feel sympathy for little Pete.
05/21/2004 Ewan Snow (4):
05/21/2004 TheBuyer: I've completely ignored the last graph and am laughing my ass off.
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony: scoop, why is the last paragraph in quotes?
05/21/2004 Ewan Snow: Because none of the others are, even though they're dialog.
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony: That doesn't really answer the big why question.
05/21/2004 Jon Matza: Sometimes asking the right question is more important than knowing all the answers.
05/21/2004 Mr. Pony: Am I dead? Is this Hell?
05/21/2004 Jon Matza: You're getting the hang of it!
05/21/2004 Benny Maniacs (5): This short makes me remember how horny I was for Darla on the Little Rascals.
05/21/2004 TheBuyer: i can't get past it, someone help.
05/21/2004 senator (4): I think it is funny she has a barrel of pickled arms down in the cellar. I'd be suspiscious if I were Petey. Something smells fishy.
05/21/2004 TheBuyer (4):
05/21/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): I wish I had a barrel of pickled arms.
05/21/2004 John Slocum (5): If I went by laughs, I'd give this a four, but I went with how much I enjoyed reading it and how well I think it was written. I particularly loved the pentultimate paragraph, it was a stimulating jolt to learn that the mother had pickled arms in the basement.
05/24/2004 Mr. Pony: Seriously, scoop, why is the last paragraph in quotes?
05/24/2004 Snack Bar (4): marvelous. good belly laughs. still, one thought won't let go of me. if momma is a'picklin' and it is confirmed that she does indeed a'pickle arms, what then are the fucking pies a'coolin' on the windowsill made of?
05/24/2004 scoop: "Dear Pony, I feel it would be fanatically presumptuous of me, the author, to try to tell you, the reader, what any of my text means, including the use of "quotes". Since it was introduced in to an unsteady world of competing conceptions, this short is now as much yours as it is mine. And who am I to tell anybody what anything means? So, my question to you, dear reader, is why is the last paragraph in quotes?"
05/24/2004 scoop: PS -- Even though you are #4 in my author rankings Pony, you're still #1 in my heart.
05/24/2004 Mr. Pony: You fucking relativist commie.
05/24/2004 John Slocum: Mr. Pony, since this short is now mine as much as it is Scoop's, allow me to explain the quotes. The last paragraph is in quotes because the narrator, or "story-teller" of this tale takes over at that point. He/she is directly addressing the reader. This short is but a small excerpt from a much longer tale, a tale which has yet to be written but which exists in implication. In the longer tale, the narrator has a much greater role and the reader would get to know him/her much, much better.
08/6/2004 qualcomm: looks like scoop's been ripping off mark twain