AcmeShorts

"Congratulations, you've given birth to a healthy baby boy!"

"Hooray!"

"Ooo, sorry, the baby's dead."

"Awww."

"Wait a second... it was retarded!"

"Hooray!"
Date Written: July 29, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.75
Comments:
08/3/2004 Mr. Pony: "Huh!"
08/3/2004 scoop: This has a Disney-like celebration of concision. I am teetering like a drunkard down a flowered path in the woods who has reached a fork -- down one way is the road paved with fours, down the other a draker forboding trial filled with fives -- the drunkard is stumbling, stumbling, stumbling... Oh which way will he go!?
08/3/2004 Mr. Pony: "Fours or fives...which will it be?" Are you kidding, scoop?
08/3/2004 scoop: No. Why?
08/3/2004 Mr. Pony: I say this because I think this beast is yours!!
08/3/2004 scoop: This can't go on I must inform the law/ Can this still be real or some crazy dream/ but I feel drawn towards the evil chanting hordes/ they seem to mesmerise me...can't avoid their eyes/ 666 the Number of the Beast 666 the one for you and me
08/3/2004 Mr. Pony: Huh!
08/3/2004 scoop: In the mist dark figures move and twist/ was all this for real or some kind of hell/ 666 the Number of the Beast/ Hell and fire was spawned to be released
08/3/2004 TheBuyer (5): Hooray!
08/3/2004 Dylan Danko: "The killer's breed or the demon's seed/The glamour, the fortune, the pain/Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain"
08/3/2004 Mr. Pony: Every day when I / Make my way to the tubby / I find a little fella who's / Cute and yella and chubby / Rub-a-dub-a-dubby!
08/3/2004 Will Disney (5):
08/3/2004 scoop: What're you singing about Pony, your slope Weiner?
08/3/2004 scoop: As for the short I think it may have benefited from a modicum of details perhaps describing the doctor a bit and fleshing out the parents's reaction as they travel on this turbulent roller-coaster of delight. Remain staggering and stumbling, singing of Molly MAlone a the fork in the damn forest...
08/3/2004 Dylan Danko: Shut the fuck up.
08/3/2004 scoop: Or what Danko, your going to curry more favor in a sniveling manner with people in power to punish me in some way?
08/3/2004 Dylan Danko: Please make up your own specious attack don't use your boyfriend's.
08/3/2004 anonymous: Ha!
08/3/2004 scoop: It's not specious if its true, Danko, you tool. And you anon_user_a, how cowardly do you have to be concela a simple "Ha!" Fucking fag.
08/3/2004 anonymous: Tell me THAT'S not your boyfriend's argument! Ha ha ha ha!
08/3/2004 Dylan Danko: Ha!
08/3/2004 Dylan Danko: Hey Scoop, you wanna try that new place, Ici, for dinner tonight? Pony? French CUISINE?
08/3/2004 scoop: Does it matter whose argument it is, anon_user_a, you fucking fag? It seems so patently obvious that you are a coward that I would think an argument attesting to your cowardice is in the public domain.
08/3/2004 Dylan Danko: I know it seems like I was trying to lay a trap for you guys with that last comment but I wasn't.
08/3/2004 anonymous: OSS is the coward.
08/3/2004 anonymous: Your a fucking gaybob, anon_user_b. You arne't fit to clean OSS' rectal sleeve with your stupid tonuge, ass hole. IF you knew OSS like I knew OSS you woudln't fucking cross him 'cause you would know that he'd hit you smackdab in the faceywace with a little o the ol' ultraviolence.
08/3/2004 anonymous: Interesting!
08/3/2004 Jon Matza: OSS: would you consider this a shameless ripoff or a moving tribute to my Lurpa short?
08/3/2004 anonymous: Hm... no. Would you consider your lurpa short a ripoff of The Lerpa?
08/3/2004 anonymous: Sorry, I though you were talking to me.
08/3/2004 John Slocum (5): 5 stars! Explosive, expulsive laughter, and economical to boot!
08/3/2004 Dylan Danko (5): A real Boss Tweed Fiva!
08/3/2004 scoop (4): Tut-Tut. So disappointed in everyone's slavish, lemming-like voting. Must I always blaze trails of independence on this damn site? Wait that was rhetorical. My metaphorical drunkkard has pinwheeled in to a path shaded in a canopy of fours.
08/3/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Scoop, you are a braver fellow than I. Also, I would hazard to say that maybe you didn't write this after all.
08/3/2004 Litcube (5): Scoop.. So much anger.
08/4/2004 anonymous: This short would be funnier if lines 3 and 5 (not exactly as written) were switched. Discuss.
08/4/2004 Jon Matza (5): Yeah, OK.
08/4/2004 qualcomm: on the one hand, inexplicably anon_d, i think your rearrangement builds up the joke in a smoother fashion than my jagged ordering, which is nice. also, the fact that the doctor could tell the baby's retarded BEFORE he notices it's dead is pretty fucking deuce (how's that, matza?). on the other hand, the rearrangement would detract from the deadpan joke of the mother's reaction to her baby's stillbornness being a mere "Awww." i just don't know.
08/4/2004 Jon Matza: Yeah, it's more metal the way it is. Losing the effect of the mother's "Awww..." re baby's death would be clee.