AcmeShorts

The Love You Eat is Equal to the Love You Shit

I told her how in life we see our own hands, not our face.

She smiled.

The night was dark and clear. The stars made patterns, lots of patterns.

I poured us each another glass and we drank them, then I lit a cigarette for the two of us and we smoked it in turns.

She told me about her childhood, it sounded frightful. I told her so, thinking nothing of it, but she seemed offended.

I poured two more glasses.

Date Written: January 26, 1996
Author: Ewan Snow
Average Vote: 4.25
Comments:
05/24/2004 Will Disney: I can't argue with that title.
07/22/2004 qualcomm: there are two good points to this short: the title, and "The stars made patterns, lots of patterns."
07/22/2004 Stash: this got to me in ways i can't even -
07/27/2004 qualcomm: jesus christ, disney, we have to give this thing a cumulative rating before it goes away? (this was an historical short last week.)
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow (5): 5ive stars!!! OSS, for a short this short, two good gags deserves a decent vote. Plus it's very old, plus I think "I told her how in life we see our own hands, not our face" is very true and sort of funny. Plus, other stuff...
07/27/2004 scoop: What about the love that gets reduced and processed into protein and fat and carbs that eventually get converted either into nutrients or stored as fat for future reserves of energy? It seems to me the equation is more like the Love you shit=the Love you eat - the Love that is broken down during digestion.
07/27/2004 qualcomm: i don't know. what about "She told me about her childhood, it sounded frightful."? don't i need to deduct stars for that?
07/27/2004 qualcomm: although, in the old days, while Ewan & I were fleeing Egypt land, we had not time to leaven our shorts with as many jokes as today.
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: I think that line's sort of funny, or I guess the follow up is, where he informs her that her childhood sucked.
07/27/2004 qualcomm: "frightful" cheeses my keyster, is what i mean.
07/27/2004 scoop: Quit hedging Snow and tell me if the damn thing is funny or not so my vote will accurately refelect reality.
07/27/2004 qualcomm: you should've made the first sentence, "I told her how in life we see with our eyes, not with our hands."
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: OSS, it's supposed to cheese your keyster. The speaker is a pretentious dillweed. Scoop, what am I talking about? How am I hedging? I said it was funny, fucko.
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: Yes, OSS, that would have been funny. But that's a little jokey and this short is supposed to be very serious and important-like.
07/27/2004 qualcomm (4): buh.
07/27/2004 scoop: "I think that line's sort of funny." "I guess the follow up is." (italics are fucking mine, and nobody else's). That's how your hedging, gaybob.
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: That's merely stating an opinion. Is any non-extreme opinion hedging?
07/27/2004 scoop: For a gaybob like you, yeah. Sure.
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: Isn't there a jay walking incident in Queens you should be covering?
07/27/2004 scoop (4): That seems awfully mean considering all those times I've come to your defense when your friends called you fat behind your back.
07/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Sorry, Snow, but I think he's right. Your use of the phrase "I guess" is tantamount to you lying down on your back with your feet up and your belly exposed.
07/27/2004 Richard Bachman: Oh, now you're saying I can't expose my belly? Well that does it, Pony. You're not invited to my sweet sixteen!
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: As Richard Bachman once said: "Oh, now you're saying I can't expose my belly? Well that does it, Pony. You're not invited to my sweet sixteen!"
07/27/2004 qualcomm: i have to agree with pony: saying someone's "hedging" is tantamount to saying he's lying down on his back with his feet up and his belly exposed
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: And scoop, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you defended my fatness behing my fat back. I take it back about the jay walking. PS, tell me who the mean people were who said I was fat. It was Maniacs, wasn't it?
07/27/2004 TheBuyer (4): historical 4
07/27/2004 Mr. Pony: "Sweet Sixteen"? Could it be...?
07/27/2004 anonymous: we should stop talking about this RIGHT NOW
07/27/2004 anonymous: No no no!
07/27/2004 anonymous: YES
07/27/2004 anonymous: NO NO NO ! OSS is a coward!
07/27/2004 anonymous: Wait. I wasn't talking about that. Oh. OH. NEVER MIND! GOODBYE! HUH!
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: Fuck all of you anons. At least this one won't show up as an 'istorical short no more. Hey Disney! How's about getting rid of 'istoricals altogether now that we have author's picks. Huh?
11/12/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (5):