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“Good morning Jesus,” this dude said. “Good morning, brother,” Jesus beamed. He was in a good mood that morning in Nazareth. “Hey, you got something there,” this dude said pointing to Jesus’ body hammock he wore to go preach the Good News. “What…where,” Jesus, said concerned about his appearance. “Oh, fuck. That’s bad news.” “Yeah looks like wine. Hard to get that out, Jesus. Wine,” the dude said elbowing Jesus in the ribs. This irritated Jesus because not only did he have this nasty stain to deal with but this jerk on top of it. “No shit, ass hole,” Jesus barked. “Hey that’s what I get for being nice,” the incredulous dude said walking off in an ancient huff. Jesus’ heart turned black that day. He couldn’t get the stain out of his body hammock, but more importantly he couldn’t get the stain off his heart. No cleaner could get rid of this kind of stain, because it was a metaphor. Moments later some Roman dudes grabbed him. He got tortured and then hung from a cross. The annoying dude from earlier saw Jesus hanging from the cross. He walked up to Jesus and began jumping up and down grunting, “GUNNH, GUNNH,GUNNH,” and giving Jesus the finger. Jesus looked down and through his blood-soaked eyes, flayed flesh hanging like melted wax from his beaten face, sweat stinging like acid his bloodshot eyes. It was the last thing he ever saw. That’s because earlier that guy stained his heart, and Jesus had to have a clean heart to save humanity and come back from the dead and all that but that ass hole ruined everything. The End.