Hi, it’s me Jesus. Christ. You know the saying, What Would Jesus Do? Here's what Jesus would do, He'd wipe His ass with His hand every time He took a shit and then He'd go touch lepers. Answer your question? Happy?
Date Written: April 6, 2005 Author:TheBuyer Average Vote: 2.375
Comments:
04/14/2005Partytime: I dropped my ice cream cone in 1978 and this tuba played a descending four note eulogy in my mind. That's what this reminds me of.
04/14/2005Will Disney: Author, how can we know that this is really what Jesus would do?
04/14/2005Will Disney: i would've bet Scoop if scoop were an author!
04/14/2005anonymous: It's true, shit cures leprosy. Get a leper, I'll prove it.
04/14/2005Jon Matza: Who bet Slocum? Come on.
04/14/2005anonymous: This would have been 'instant' but I didn't want to wait for the new feature.
04/14/2005Mr. Pony: I did. I bet Slocum. You can look, you know. On betVite. Was that question rhetorical?
04/14/2005Jon Matza: I realize I could've looked but it was such a non-gum base guess I decided to protest by refusing to go to the trouble of checking (thereby punishing the guessor). Slocum'd never write this--surely it's th'Buyer?
04/14/2005John Slocum: Pony: you're going to pay for this. I'm going to make you pay.
04/14/2005Mr. Pony: Perhaps you two gentlemen would like to place some credits on the line defending your opinion/honor?
04/14/2005TheBuyer: thaaaat's it keep em comin, Mr. Pony, that Tournament crashing bet really hit me in the wallet I could use the credits.
04/14/2005John Slocum: Pony: you're a dirty maggot-whore.
04/14/2005anonymous: Sounds like someone needs the healing hands of Christ right now!
04/14/2005qualcomm (1):
04/14/2005anonymous: Squoink.
04/14/2005anonymous: qualcomm, this isn't a tournament, 1 star is a bad thing. douche.
04/14/2005John Slocum: Qualcomm Cometh!
04/14/2005Will Disney: i mean, i'd give this one 3.5. should i?
04/14/2005anonymous: In total or in one vote?
04/14/2005Klause Muppet (2): If 1 star is a bad thing, 2 stars must be a good thing.
04/14/2005anonymous: Jesus knows when you're sleeping, Klause, he's like Freddy fucking Kruger.
04/14/2005The Rid: Bleh. Good title.
04/14/2005Will Disney (4):
04/14/2005anonymous: Disney, Peace be with you.
04/14/2005Cyrus (5): 5 stars to make for for QC being an ass
04/14/2005Dick Vomit (1): YOU MOTHERFUCKING DICKS THINK I WROTE THIS?
04/14/2005Dick Vomit: TheBuyer, much? DICKS.
04/14/2005anonymous: Vomit, you leper ONE IS A BAD THING fucksakes read your manual.
04/14/2005Dick Vomit: Wish I could bet on BetVite but my account's buttfucked.
FUCK
04/14/2005Jon Matza: I thought the clarification "Christ" was pretty umorous, enough to lift this above one star terr. A net loss for the acme brand, nonetheless...
04/14/2005Dick Vomit: I am the Author of this short.
04/14/2005TheBuyer (4): It's not like they toilet paper back then, I think this is pretty fucking funny, Richard.
04/14/2005anonymous: in His name.
04/14/2005Mr. Pony (2): :(
04/14/2005Dick Vomit: You're mad. You're all mad.
04/14/2005anonymous: the madness of the Lord.
04/14/2005Will Disney: What's wrong with your account? Login using the gmail address you gave - that should work. Account appears to be confirmed.
04/14/2005Partytime (2): Blasphemass.
04/14/2005anonymous: I forgive you. Jesus is going rain some serious pain down unto y'all, but *I* forgive you.
04/14/2005Litcube (2): Not so sure I forgive you.
04/14/2005Litcube: Fuck, I'm such an asshole!
04/14/2005anonymous: Peace be with you, retard.
04/15/2005TheBuyer: Ya.
04/15/2005John Slocum: This thing truly does suck. TheBuyer, pehaps you could explain yourself on this one. That is, if you're man enough to put yourself out there!!!
04/15/2005TheBuyer: Here's the original:
Hi, it’s me Jesus. Christ? You know the saying, What Would Jesus Do? I’ll tell you what I did, I wiped my ass with my hand every time I took a shit. Didn’t see that in any of those letters that John wrote to the Corinthians, did you? He never mentioned the times the son of God squatted in the sand and wiped his ass with his hand, but that’s the way it we did it back then. Now think about all those lepers I touched.
And that was there for a very long time so I got bored and changed it - about ten times. It doesn't work as well with the changes, so maybe that was self-destructive, and maybe the whole 'faker day' was fun enough to make up for it, I duuno, either way it was a pretty fun day despite the dumbyness of this short.
Now, I have seriously considered sabotaging myself on purpose. That is to say, I've been, as a user, contemplated "killing" TheBuyer and starting over as a guest. Today is my 365 day chip at Acmeshorts. So maybe instead of destruction, I'll go the other way and concentrate on what I'm doing and be better at being funny, and to have an online temprament that is more appropriate for interacting with the other adults - also i should be a btter speller and comma guy. On the other side of that, maybe you fuckers could give me some credit sometimes, I've been aroung long enough. Moving to the front page is a bigger deal than I thought and I'm still trying to find my feet. Dude, it's weird, seriously.
04/15/2005Mr. Pony: You get plenty o' credit, kid! And the way yer over-thinkin' things, yer gonna wind up starin' at the back o' yer own head if you ain't careful. Now; pick yerself up, dust yerself off, and get back to work!
04/15/2005Dick Vomit: You know, in high school, in my Catholic high school? This one kid in Earth Science asked the (religious) Brother who was teaching class whether Jesus had been a virgin--kid got demerits for asking that, even though he was asking honestly. Yep.
04/15/2005qualcomm: also: post a nude of pix
04/15/2005John Slocum: I feel I've been aroung long enough too.
04/15/2005TheBuyer: Pony: ok! qualcomm: ok! slocum: ok! Vomit: Just the kind of thing I'd expect from a church which exhumed a dead Pope, put him on trial, found him guilty, and chopped him up.
04/15/2005John Slocum: And ate 'em with a mature Barolo!!
04/15/2005Klause Muppet: I love you TheBuyer! Don't you ever change!
04/15/2005John Slocum: No, no, Klause. He should change.
04/15/2005TheBuyer: Yes, this is what I'm saying.
04/15/2005Pix: slocum: ok! ?????
04/15/2005Pix: er qualcomm: ok! I mean.
I need glasses
Hi, it’s me Jesus. Christ? You know the saying, What Would Jesus Do? I’ll tell you what I did, I wiped my ass with my hand every time I took a shit. Didn’t see that in any of those letters that John wrote to the Corinthians, did you? He never mentioned the times the son of God squatted in the sand and wiped his ass with his hand, but that’s the way it we did it back then. Now think about all those lepers I touched.
And that was there for a very long time so I got bored and changed it - about ten times. It doesn't work as well with the changes, so maybe that was self-destructive, and maybe the whole 'faker day' was fun enough to make up for it, I duuno, either way it was a pretty fun day despite the dumbyness of this short.
Now, I have seriously considered sabotaging myself on purpose. That is to say, I've been, as a user, contemplated "killing" TheBuyer and starting over as a guest. Today is my 365 day chip at Acmeshorts. So maybe instead of destruction, I'll go the other way and concentrate on what I'm doing and be better at being funny, and to have an online temprament that is more appropriate for interacting with the other adults - also i should be a btter speller and comma guy. On the other side of that, maybe you fuckers could give me some credit sometimes, I've been aroung long enough. Moving to the front page is a bigger deal than I thought and I'm still trying to find my feet. Dude, it's weird, seriously.