AcmeShorts

I'm going to try to write a short for tuesday. XXX Oh, Jesus. It was a dark day on the Acme Shorts website! Someone posted the line above, in good faith, as a placeholder, but then he dropped the ball! Dylan Danko, dragging his butt to his chair, read the "short" and spluttered, uttering a Buttheadian "uhh" and one-starring it, folowed by, "Cunt." Then -- Oh, Jesus -- the author made it even worse! He made it to his office, copied & pasted an old short of his (a short he penned under an ALIAS!) and put it in play! "Think of it as an historical short," he wrote! --- Another late night at the law offices of Sandinski, Hathowell and Kent. Veronica Della Pesuto, Esq., 27, lean and serious, Ivy League, stood at her desk, bent over the heaps of redwelds, post-it flags and redacted defendant's exhibits, scanning the chron file. In the morning she'd take her first depostion. Martin Wheeling. Engineer, 66 years old, Ivy League, formerly in charge of solid waste reclamation and asbestos abatement consultation for a firm in the business of aiding chemical companies litigating under Superfund. The partner, Coleman, was a brittle son of a bitch and he'd be there every second scrutinizing her every word, jotting notes for the big Saliva Spray during the ride back in the Town Car. He'd be on the phone calling for velobound transcripts before they even got back. It'd be a heck of a day. And she was having trouble focusing. What a pain in the ass. "Fuck it!" Veronica screamed, sweeping half the papers from her desk. "Fuck it hard!" She reached back madly, clawing for the ass of Keith Debron, extension 4122, the 22-year-old paralegal from California who was sliding his cock deeply into her from behind. She quit clawing, planted her palms on the oaken slab and shimmied backward as she ecstatically came against him. "Ohhhh Jesus motherfucking christ! Shangri La!!" Keith released his load a second later and slumped against her back, which he admired for a moment. Damn. Maybe she'd been a swimmer in college? He lost the thought, cupped her breast absently and spun her toward him. She hiked her ass up onto the desk and smiled, and pushed him away. Keith grinned like a kid and panted. He made quote marks with his fingers and giggled as he said, "Was that the information you requested?" "Yes, thank you Keith." She paused, gathering her breath. "I do regret," then she made quote marks too, "keeping you up so long." "It's my pleasure to help. I know...it must be hard for you." "Well, thank you for coming." They looked at each other a moment. "Keith, do you think that is all the information you have for me this evening?" And on it went. It was this joke they had. --- In conclusion, it was a very dark day on the Acme Shorts website.