AcmeShorts

The Talosian, that nutty alien species with an ass for a head, shoved the graduated cylinder full of its own cum under Captain Pike's nose.

"It will consume the nourishment," it barked, its blue pleasure-vein pulsating rapidly.

"Not exactly what I would call a 5-star meal," Pike grumbled, "Say from the table of the Count of Monte Cristo, of 18th century French fiction, the Four Seasons of 20th century New York, or the Brown Dwarf Cafe, of Rigel XII."

"The nourishment will take any form you find pleasing," the Talosin replied, undaunted.

"Okay, then, I want it to be the disembodied vagges of all three of Mudd's women."

"Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing," went a sound effect.

Pike set into the prime space poonage with gusto.

"Dude," whispered the Talosian to his buddy, "He's eating my jizz!"

Date Written: May 15, 2003
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.42857
Comments:
05/15/2003 anonymous (5):
05/15/2003 Mr. Pony (4): Perfect, except that the original line was "YOU will consume the nourishment." If you're going to quote something, at least get it right, you stupid bastard.
06/8/2003 Phony Millions (4): 4 stars for use of the plural form oof vag.
06/15/2004 TheBuyer: what would Viable Corn do...
06/15/2004 TheBuyer (5):
06/15/2004 scoop (5): For all the layers.
06/15/2004 Ewan Snow: Five stars! Even though it rips off (in a certain sense) my prototypical "cheap smoke" joke with "went a sound effect" and even though it somewhat relies on a specific reference to "Mudd's women" and "Captain Pike" and even though...

Fact is, this is what the short short is all about. Brief, wacky, and fucking funny. If you can't do this, you can't write a short. Period. End of story. This is not just my opinion, but objective fact. I am a platonic Super Man. Make that Super Duper Man. Platonic, not in the sense that I don't "do it", but in the philosophical sense as relates to absolute truth. Fuckers.

06/15/2004 Ewan Snow: I guess I gave this an anonymous 5 already, as it says I voted already and the short has a 4.6 with a 4, a 4, a 5, and a 5 showing. 18 + (my anon)5 = 23. 23/5 = 4.6. So you see, it all makes sense.
06/16/2004 Mr. Pony: Has the form grown or have we started calling other things Shorts?
06/16/2004 Ewan Snow: Hey, Mr Pony!
06/16/2004 Ewan Snow: Where'd you go???
06/16/2004 Jon Matza: Here I am!
06/16/2004 Jon Matza: Only joking, I'm not the real Pony.
06/16/2004 Jon Matza (5): Lots of wizard moments here, but my favorite is "'It will consume the nourishment,' it barked" (misquote or not).
06/16/2004 John Slocum (5): Agree with Matza and Snow.
06/16/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Heh, wizard.
06/16/2004 Mr. Pony: Actually I was the one who misquoted it, elsewhere, in conversation. If I remember correctly, The Lerpa found my mistake so amusing that it appears here.
06/16/2004 Mr. Pony: Although, I guess, while I was just illustrating my lack of knowledge about Star Trek, the Lerpa was the one made it funny. So.
06/16/2004 Mr. Pony: Ewan?
08/30/2005 itasta090 (3): Ehh...was ok.