AcmeShorts

Feldspar sat at his own Bar-mitzvah, crushing his fingers into each other, a bright smile stitched across his face. It was the biggest day of his life, yet somehow he felt depleted.

"My best friend Feldspar became a man today", Josh Jiblatski said into the microphone, his blue eyes shimmering in the spotlight. And then continuing with unerring timing: "I'm glad the operation was a success."

Feldspar continued to smile. That’s the oldest joke since the bible, he thought. Why the fuck is everybody in here fucking lapping up that shit?

There would be time, perhaps after several more good natured jokes between he and Josh, outside on the golf course. He had stashed a cheap bottle of cognac under a hedge, with which he planned to brain this fraud. He never had the faintest fucking clue about the meaning of humor. Best friend. Right.

Then the emptiness, the hunger, would be gone. He had to think fast.