"Well, on the one hand, the left hand, whose loyal legions are known as 'lefties', I'm very avuncular, which gives me entree into the niece and nephew types. On the other, superior, hand, the right hand, I'm very gubernatorial, which plays favorably among rugby moms and closet degenerates. When these two hands get together and "shake", their fingers intertwine and the left hand (being avuncular) tries to molest the innocent gubernatorial digits thereby producing what is often referred to (with apt rapture) as 'sweaty palms'."
Each reporter took a turn sitting on Mr Sternum's lap.
Afterward, some reported "bad touches". Others: ecstasy...