AcmeShorts

I've made some pretty stupid blunders in my day, but nothing compared to the time I accidentally shot myself in the balls! There I was, cleaning my turkey gun when next thing I know I'd blown the contents of my pouch into smithereens. (Ouch!) Truth is, I was pretty cheesed off when it happened. I mean, of all the dumb moves I ever made (and there've been plenty, believe me) this one must've taken the biscuit! For starters, I knew my gal would be plenty sore when she found out I'd shot off my nuts and we could never have kids like we talked about. I sure was right, too...she ran off with Dirk Stanton before I could blink twice, practically! Smarted like a bastard, too - in fact, I puked up from the pain and then went into a dead faint! It wasn't a total loss, though, since some of the pellets wound up lodging in my stomach, which they ended up having to remove -- so now instead of regular-style eating I get fed health solution through a bag and pushed around all day in a wheelchair. Actually, this part is not so hot, either...so I guess maybe there wasn't that much of an upside to it after all!